In this thankful month when everyone is so grateful for EVERYTHING, I find myself feeling bitter at times. And on the verge of tears, always. Someone I love dearly has been blindsided with a sort of abandonment at a critical moment that affects the future; that's really all I can disclose, except that my heart burns with hatred. Alison is far away in Korea with no word about the blood test or the next treatments for her "lady issue." I want to interrogate the doctor, like I did Patt's oncologist when we went in for appointments. Dr. B. liked me because we were both very direct and open people. I would rather KNOW what I'm/we're dealing with! The distance from my "baby" makes it worse.
Also, Safeway doesn't have the same beautiful rosemary tree they did last year, nor does McLendons have anything that I can't live without(a three foot artificial tree was nice, but I hate white lights!), thus I'll need to decide how committed I am to Christmas. As I was walking through their outside Christmas area, my eyes were burning with tears because December is such a difficult month for me. Enough said.
I will decorate with the girls' stockings, made by my mother and put out some of their snow globe collection from Patt's mom(shown above from 2013), but should I get a tree? (especially with the semi-destructive Mari wild card?) I don't think my heart is in it this year, unless I randomly run across something wonderful. I never discount the serendipity of that; after all, that's how I found my beautiful rosemary tree last year. I guess I have to just wait and see... on all fronts. (SO not my strength)