Stargazer

Stuff happens

Everyone knows the saying "sh*t happens" but some people (annoying idiots) think or imply that it only happens to other people and NOT to them because, you know, they are special and do all the "right things." I have a few family members like that; I'd prefer not to name them, but hope I'm still alive when their kid(s) become teenagers. Because life IS full of surprises! The positives have been our utterly helpful bank(her money is already back in her account), the kindness of the two police departments involved in the cases (several personal phone calls) and the thanks that I've been getting from Alison herself. "I appreciate everything you're doing, Mom." "Thanks for all the rides and the help." Will it keep her from ever doing anything like this again? Um...I hope so, but...who knows? And I've been hearing lots and lots of stories from friends and from people on the phone about this happening to them and to others they know, so it's evidently quite common to have a purse or wallet stolen. The update is that there is a very unhappy fireworks seller in Bonney Lake who accepted a $140 (fraudalent) check that the alert bank then wouldn't cash because it looked "funky." However, this same bank did hand over $700 of Alison's money in the drive through lane to persons unknown who used Alison's passport and credit card as ID. I guess it's pretty easy to commit fraud in a drive through because the teller can't really see the people very clearly. *sigh* When all this was going on, it didn't help my mood to stand next to an older, obese overweight woman at Fred Meyer in short shorts and a white sports bra! WASN'T I STRESSED ENOUGH? Did I really need to see that?
I enjoyed chatting with my friends at Book Club today at a waterfront restaurant. It was a glorious 75 degree day and Mount Rainier was spectacular. We're having lots of those days lately--sorry East Coast friends. The 4th is supposed to be in the 80s and beautiful too, which will make camping on Anderson Island much more enjoyable!
Somebody had to go to work today; it was her first day!
She said after her shift that "it" (ie courtesy clerk) was way harder than she thought--the bagging had to be fast and it was tricky to organize all the groceries in time, a couple of carts got away from her in the parking lot, and she had to drive one of the motorized carts back but knocked over a chair with it. Her work experience is similar to my experimentation with the D-80; it's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I need to have it on the right setting, not flinch when I take the picture, and press only once! We'll both just have to work on improvement, right?

A Monday from hades

Those measured, calming (supposedly) Lamaze breaths that you're supposed to use during childbirth? Who knew that I'd still be using them 23 and 19 years later to try to keep myself under control! Today was a relaxing day until about 2. My mom and I had planned an "exciting" trip to get potato salad ingredients for my experimental recipe (modified from Homemade life) and to look for new pillows for my bed; we were walking into Fred Meyer when the phone rang. And it was Alison...

• They were celebrating her boyfriend's birthday by going to a local water park and although she's been told approximately 100 times not to do this, she had left her belongings not so cleverly disguised under a sweatshirt in the car.
• Is it any surprise to you that when they returned, the passenger side window was broken out, and all her valuables were gone?
• By the time we called/contacted everyone, the a-holes thieves had cleaned out her accounts, and done some random things too, like getting a car wash. They had also managed to cash a $700 check at our bank (not our branch); a personal banker called me to let us know, so off we went to cancel her whole account, instead of just the credit card. Who knew that so many places would cash checks with no identification?
• In the meantime, her boyfriend(Happy birthday to him--NOT!) was filling out a police report and we were figuring out cell phone cancellation, how to get a new Food Handlers card, what to do about her employee card that's supposed to log her into work, how to deal with the Fraud case, etc... None of it was fun at all, and I was PISSED because hadn't I told her at least a thousand times never to leave anything in a car? *sigh*
• After returning from a long visit to the bank, we listened to a phone message from a woman in Bonney Lake (where the criminals had cashed the check); her husband had noticed something lying in the parking lot of Walmart, so they stopped. And it was Alison's passport!
• Then the phone rang and a woman asked to speak to Alison; it was the Bonney Lake police and they had found some of her checks with forged signatures, so they were opening up a case, which will dovetail with the Federal Way one. Although I'm glad to have two police departments on the job, I can't help but freak out that these people have our ADDRESS and a lot of other information that I don't want them to have.
• The rest of the week will involve many phone calls, and errands to try to make this right, and some of it can't be fixed. Her cell, digital camera and i-pod are just gone; thankfully, due to the kindness of strangers, her passport isn't.
• And there was no good beer in the house when I got home--just Bud Light, which I refuse to drink. Diet Coke doesn't quite cut it on a day like today!
• Happily, Alison and I are still speaking and even laughing, after a few harsh words at the beginning about the timing of my "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO DO THAT!" When kids or people make mistakes, we just have to (eventually) let it go and move into the problem solving. It's hard though...
• It was pretty funny to see her struggle to call her boyfriend on the home phone, and get frustrated when it wouldn't work. I finally took pity on her and told her that she couldn't call long distance on that phone like on a cell phone. She's not very good with landlines!
• As you can see, my playing with the D-80 is starting to annoy people.
• After completely irritating my family (and the cat!), I changed to the uncomplaining plant life!
• I don't know how to use the timer yet, so I had to hold the camera. I'm smiling because I took this picture yesterday, not today! A nearly 53 year old woman should probably not be in such a close-up.
• I thought my husband would be very angry about Alison's carelessness and strangers knowing all about us, but he was just relieved that it didn't happen here at our house.
• I think this picture is sweet, don't you? I'm sure you notice that there are none of me smiling at this point. Maybe tomorrow.

Passages

Right now I'm sitting in the parking lot of the Tacoma-Pierce County Health Department with my i-pod, two Newsweeks, and a Crystal Light (Cherry Pomegranate) while I wait for Younger Daughter to get her food handlers' card. As Africa Daughter astutely observed when I called her yesterday to wish her a Happy 23rd Birthday, "Alison has a part-time job, so I guess you do too, Mom!" Ashley sounded upbeat; although she hadn't wanted to return to Senegal from Togo, her host family had prepared domoda for her birthday(her favorite Senegalese dish), her host sister was planning *something* for the evening, and a friend had procured her some champagne. In a 95% Muslim country where hardly anyone imbibes, that was quite a feat! Personally, I don't know why Ashley likes champagne; I can't stand the vile stuff! I have to admit that yesterday threw me off balance. I expected the news about Farrah Fawcett, and had been wondering how she had even hung on this long, as sick as she was. But it still made me nostalgic because she was  young(ish), and I had watched Charlie's Angels religiously, as well as trying to emulate her hairstyle in college.
Since my hair didn't want to stay curled all the way around, I ended up looking a bit like a lion. As for Michael Jackson, I was utterly shocked when I heard the rumor of his death in the car; I went straight home and loaded up my favorite MJ tunes on my i-pod. I was sort of surprised that I found so many songs filled with memories of my own past, starting from when he was an adorable, incredibly talented youngster with an Afro. And my goals for the summer? I've made one pass through my closet, finding old pants that NO longer fit(eek!) and suits that I'll never wear. I'm also charging the battery for my husband's Nikon D-80 in between relaxing with some "brassiere buster" books. Ah, summer!

Summer goals

Normally I make very low key summer to-do lists because I can be obsessive. (NO, REALLY?) This year is no exception; I really don't want to feel compelled to do too much, since I may be driving around Younger Daughter, who POSSIBLY got a part time job at a local grocery store. Does a call back (the day after her interview) to get paperwork for a drug screen, plus talk of an orientation on Friday sound positive? She has also promised her Dad to help paint the exterior of this house(ideas on colors please!), to do some work at her grandmother's house and to stain the fence that Mr. Stargazer is busy pressure washing. We were planning to have the house professionally painted, but now my husband's jobs have died slowed, so he'll have plenty of time to do the job himself. However, if he is true to form and takes forever to finish it, there may be *harsh* words between us and some tension in the house! I can't do much with the painting because I am terrified of heights and can't do ladders at all. (I get dizzy!) My list includes:

• figuring out my husband's Nikon D-80, which is just  collecting dust sitting upstairs because he is too intimidated by it or doesn't want to make the effort to learn how to use it. I think I'm being a little unfair to him though; he swears that he LOVES film, and has found that he's not a fan of digital. So, maybe the camera will end up being MINE...
• going though my closet and getting rid of anything with shoulder pads or that doesn't appeal to me any more. It used to be an ego thing with me to be able to wear clothing from 20 years ago, but now it's just an embarrassment. My mom always says, "If you haven't worn it in the last year, get rid of it!" I doubt that I can be that firm though; I get sentimental about certain clothing, especially tee shirts that I bought on special trips, like for gymnastics meets.
• reading books that I wouldn't normally, like my last read which was a memoir/recipe book/blog. I really enjoyed it and loved most of the recipes, although I would have to shop in Seattle to get some of the more esoteric ingredients. The part where the author discusses her father's death was so poignant and moving that I had to reread it a couple of times. I may try to make the potato salad, or chocolate cake; they looked the easiest!
• getting a new windshield in my car to the tune of $220. Don't ever be stupid like I was! I had a minuscule chip that stayed that way for months and months, so I didn't worry about it. Then one day, it was no longer just a chip...
• whenever I get "bored," there are always cupboards/closets to organize, paint colors to obsess over(I have no eye for putting things together), and Facebook or blogging to give me an excuse to procrastinate on all of this!

Photo Post

Today was an interesting day; it included a coffee out with a friend and a wonderful talk, interrupted by a torrential downpour/hailstorm/thunder and lightning show. Unfortunately, my car-less child had decided to walk 3 miles to the closest store in my absence, and was on her way back when the storm hit. When I called her from the coffee place, she was shrieking because lightning was hitting very close to her and she was scared. By the time I got home, she was in the shower, thus I have no photos of the *drowned rat.* Then, before we left for a Father's Day Thai dinner, Africa daughter called to wish her dad a great day, and to reiterate (when we could understand her since Togo phone lines are TERRIBLE) that she is homesick, TIRED, and more than ready to come home! Well, this is supposed to be a photo post, but as usual, I'm verbose...
The upstairs hallway used to be filled with boxes and *junk* but is now clear. I didn't think Alison would get it cleaned until our deadline of July 7th, but she may have wanted the house to look decent for her boyfriend's visit yesterday. Whatever works...
She mostly organized her room and got rid of TONS of books, clothes and miscellaneous stuff out of her closet and bookshelves.
The bonus room was also packed with boxes and clothes(like the hallway and her room) and is now down to one; it's wonderful to see carpet again and to be able to walk through any of these places without feeling like I'm in an obstacle course.
Our Thai dinner was delicious; everyone enjoyed themselves, although my nearly 3 year old nephew was fussy at times. I picked up the bill and no one argued! Normally, someone tries to wrestle it away from me, usually my dad. But he knew better this time since it was Father's Day!
Being hypercritical, all I see when I look at this photo is that my hair is flat, my face looks round and I wear that shirt too much. But I also think that I don't look almost 53 in this picture either, so that's a positive. After dinner, my husband and daughter went out for a clutch lesson in his Jeep CJ-7 at her request; they returned about 30 minutes later with a weepy, frustrated girl sitting in the passenger seat. However, when they shared the experience with me, the "bucking bronco," the funny stalls, the jerky progress, we all started howling with laughter! Not that Alison wants to drive that Jeep again any time soon; she says it was UTTERLY TERRIFYING.

Happy and sad

• It was essentially the last day of school today; even though tomorrow is officially a work day, most of the students won't come. I'll get up at the regular time, but will putter around longer and will treat myself to a coffee at the Evil Empire. I already know that several of my students will be there: my "Klingon" kid who has a radio in a cooler and is always waiting for me when I arrive at school at 7 a.m., the student who informed me matter of factly, "I'll be here tomorrow because I'm Asian. Or I should say--my parents are and they're forcing me to come," and other miscellaneous kids who either have no place to go, want more closure than they got today from our check out process or have parental pressure to not miss (skip) a day. I was happy to get most of my "to do" list checked off today, but sad to say goodbye to my best friend at school who is retiring. As the years have passed, my wonderful group of department colleagues has dwindled until finally...I'll be the only one left of the Lady Rams. D. has promised me many coffee or beer dates, but it will be different not seeing each other every day. I'm glad for her but not for my lonely self, dealing with the sometimes difficult personalities of the newer staff members. And I also "get to" be department chair! *sarcasm*
• While I celebrate the end of the school year (who wouldn't?), I can't help thinking of  worries and stresses about next year. Will classes really have 40 students? Will the district hire back any of our RIF teachers? Will the principal get enough staffing to offer French 3/4, like he said he would like to? How long will it be before I exchange terse words with the arrogant Japanese teacher? 
• That July 7th deadline I gave Alison of putting away and clearing up all the upstairs chaos? That was BS ill-advised. I love her and it's really nice to have her home; although messy, she's a great daughter and got good grades at college(2 A-s and a B in Calculus) BUT she's not ultra motivated to clean up when the date is (or feels) so far in the future. However, she did load up boxes with *stuff* to get rid of; while I was on my run, she carried a box downstairs. It was fairly heavy, not taped on the bottom and it came open ON the hardwood, where a glass broke! Thankfully, her dad and she had cleaned it up by the time I came home, but the hardwood is now a little dented and a bit scratched. None of you would be able to see it, but I KNOW IT'S THERE and so it will bother me...I'll just have to get over it, right? 
• Alison's lily is blooming beautifully; I love the color of this one, even though it doesn't smell as delightful as my Stargazer lily. Today at school, a long-time friend whose daughters grew up with mine asked me in a hushed voice if I'd heard about J.F., the older brother of one of Ashley's best grade school and junior high friends. He apparently killed himself this past weekend at the age of 24, which is the same age my younger brother was when he died. So, I'm full of sad and happy feelings and memories about all sorts of events, things and people. Life is definitely bittersweet, but also very much worth enjoying. I have to remind myself of that at times.

For you...and for me

Some of you like photos, others like links to interesting sites that will help people in faraway places. I offer you my "Saturday Evening Special Photo Essay" since Alison is spending the night elsewhere (with my brother and his family), then going to church with them tomorrow. And I have to say that I don't give her enough credit; she had the garage cleaned out last night, and all her boxes upstairs, ready to unload. She was dusting her room, and organizing her things,while I just stayed out of it. Of course, I did NOT appreciate the banana peel I found on the den carpet this morning. Who would?
For those of you who love my flower photos (and I could take more!), our petunias and geraniums are doing beautifully in the perpetually sunny, warm weather. Mr. Stargazer has an obvious weakness for certain colors and I indulge him in this, since he takes care of all these plants. P.S. Please ignore the ladder and mess, since we're trying to get ready to get our house painted this summer. The lawn looks like August too, because the weather lately has been much more like that month than June!

For Sandy, here is a photo I found of our memorable trip to Europe in 1984. We were all so young! We had a great time and lots of adventures, didn't we?

I'm making fun of myself for that blouse, but I can't get over how much I've aged changed from this "baby" sitting in a hotel room in Rome. I was the chaperone, for crying out loud!

For Michelle, I put up this photo of the two best dogs in the world. (no arguing!) The big guy, Chinook, was an intelligent and sensitive Malamute, while the little annoying puppy was Kiwi, our Blue Heeler/Australian Shepherd Mix. Kiwi was a brilliant, personable fellow who loved to leap in the air to bite fireworks (he was the show on 4th of July) and couldn't keep from being destructive and sneaky. It's hard to be a working dog on "vacation." He had to find *things* to do, like chewing into the wall in our hallway. That's when he became an outdoor dog! And here's for those of you who have agonized with me over the trials and tribulations of Africa Daughter: Me: So, how is Sokode (Togo)? Her: I love it! Me: Really? You're not being sarcastic? Her: No, really. My critical older daughter is actually enjoying the cooperative (buy something if you can!) and is delighted to be in the "field" of organic farming and fair trade. That's all very exciting for a development geography graduate! For Alison, my fellow French speaker, Ashley got a touching e-mail from her Senegalese friend, Mamadou(John) who wrote, "J'ai la nostalgie de toi, my dead friend." Since I'm superstitious, I didn't like the "dead" instead of "dear," but Ashley just laughed, and wrote him back, saying that he had called her "morte." After all her "African adventures," I'm very ready for her to come home! *fingers tightly crossed and knocking on wood*

Home *sweet* home

There's a certain solidarity to picking up your kid at college; I'm pretty sure that all the other parents were as miserable as I was. As I saw moms and dads hauling boxes down the narrow stairways(a few near collisions), as we all sweated in the 100 degree dorm with no open windows, and complained about the impossible slow elevator, I had a chance to observe humanity at its best and worst. BEST:

• College Daughter said she'd packed what she could, and that was true. She hadn't mentioned how WELL she'd packed or how haphazardly she'd organized her boxes. However, I saw several moms (and dads) taking apart lofted beds whereas Alison's was already finished and the rails delivered to the dorm office well before I arrived. I noticed some rooms with tons of *stuff* all over the floor, while my daughter's possessions were for the most part neatly, although randomly packed in boxes.
• The trip up to Bellingham only took two hours, although the one home was about three hours in nasty 405 traffic. I don't know how people do it; I live 7 minutes away from my work on uncrowded surface streets.
• Students and parents were unfailing helpful about opening doors, saying excuse me and showing a lot of courtesy to others, in spite of the trying times!
• She was very happy to see me, but honest about her mixed feelings about leaving college and saying goodbye to her friends, and boyfriend. With no job, a boring family (the utter truth) and LOTS of boxes to organize in the garage, summer doesn't look very exciting for her. However, at the MOMENT, she's putting a positive face on it all.

The WORST:

• Her positive attitude won't last when she realizes that her parents are now in bad habits, like leaving the bathroom door open(oops) and going to bed at an old person time, while nagging her about NOT messing up the family room, bathroom, etc.. And by the way, WHERE are the nail clippers? She likes to use them and never put them back.
• She hadn't showered since Wednesday, plus the stairways at the dorm smelled VERY gamey. Thus, I am feeling a bit nauseated after the three hour ride south. I also didn't get a chance to have lunch; by the time we were on the road, there was NO way I was stopping anywhere in that traffic. So, I was thirsty, hungry and crabby, although I resisted biting Alison's head off when she put on some country music in the car. I DO NOT LIKE COUNTRY!
• And now I hear her bringing *things* into the house that I need to "help" deal with. Oh, joy.
• Next year she's on the 8th floor instead of the 3rd, so her DAD had better plan to go up to help, no excuses about work or gas prices. Gotta go before all heck breaks loose around here!

Angry

It's nearly the end of the school year, so I should be relieved and counting down the days, right? Well, I am savoring the last week and a half with these classes, but also dreading when all hell heck breaks loose next year. (that is, unless my SD pulls its collective head out of its you-know-where) While other districts around us are doing everything they can to keep class sizes manageable and teachers working, my district dumped over 100...and in my building, they are staffing at a whopping 35-40+ kids per class. That's when our classrooms become all about management(survival!) and not teaching. I don't know what the answer is, but other places appear to be doing a better balance of cutting and using some of their rainy day fund, while my district wants to sit on a huge 5% reserve. (and destroy what has always been a top notch district) Then yesterday we employees discovered, by reading the NEWSPAPER, that the central admin has decided on a 90 minute late start every Wednesday for planning/inservice purposes. Everyone I've talked to about it asked, " Did YOU hear anything about this? Classes will be so short on Wednesdays that we won't be able to get anything done." The fact is that MOST of us would rather be teaching, in the classroom with kids. But no one bothered to ask us or even told us what was going on! So, there's lots at work to be angry about. That includes our World Language office that we spent hours cleaning last year and now is being used as a dumping ground for abandoned carts and *junk.* You're probably not surprised to hear that I sent out an all-school e-mail about this issue, and that I was professional but terse. I'm pretty good at that tone! I did talk to Africa Daughter today though; it was hard to hear her, but she's doing well and enjoying the cooperative(organic farm) in Sokode. This pamphlet describes the organization; before anyone freaks out about its connection with Olympia, WA(Karan!), the Sokode contact was given to her by people in Seattle and at the University of Washington. I thought "WOW what a small world!," until Ashley laughed at me explained it to me. I also spoke with College Daughter and that wasn't quite as much fun. She's having "boyfriend problems"; maybe that stupid Twilight series should come with *advisories* to young girls. So, I had to do the hard parenting work of explaining to her: Men aren't always communicative. They often aren't in touch with their feelings, nor do they want to be. They don't want to spend every minute with their girlfriends, and hate dealing with drama because of it. I even tried to explain to her about the concept of the "man cave" but I think I'm too many decades ahead of her in *manhandling.* She has two more finals and needs to be studying, NOT being upset about Mr. College Dude! *sigh*

Parenting pariah

First of all, the weekend has been utterly calm, quiet and even boring; however, I've decided that I much prefer that to one child totalling a truck on Mothers' Day, then a couple of weeks later, my African daughter in a head on accident, followed by her three day stay in a relatively primitive hospital(7000 miles away) with an unexplained fever. The highlight of my weekend was going over to my brother's house to discuss a yard project they want to do. Actually, it was my husband they needed since he is a genius at figuring out that type of thing; I was just there to "run interference" for him, since he doesn't do social chit chat very well. And I also got to play with my almost three year old nephew; the minute he saw me, he grabbed my hand so we could chase each other around the yard, color with sidewalk chalk, race little cars and otherwise amuse each other. (love that kid!) As for College Daughter's party, I "got to" look at photos from it, and thank goodness there were no incriminating ones of her. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I'm on the Least Popular Parent list because I did send her an e-mail about some of the OTHER pictures I saw on there. (Facebook) The openness of the internet is a double-edged sword that has affected people's jobs, reputations and futures AND most of these idiots kids don't realize it!! I don't think that Younger Daughter reads my blog, but here's how easy it was to pull photos off Facebook:
It was a beach party and many of the people should NOT have been wearing those skimpy clothes. You'll have to trust me on that, since I didn't snitch those photos. *yuck*
Here she is playing Twister, which is a harmless photo. I always used to do that at college parties... (yeah, right!)
I recognize those red cups and mine were usually filled with beer. But there could have been soda in them, right? RIGHT?? However, at least College Daughter wasn't posing with an unmistakable beer bottle or a very inappropriate cake, pretending to eat it, like the other girl was in a different picture. Don't kids realize that most employers would look at a picture like that and think--EWWW, not a chance? (unless they're hiring strippers)

I have to be fair and show this photo of my underage drinking, but we were COOL University of Washington Huskies and didn't always use those red party cups. No, we had ones from Dick's Drive-In. I'm sure mine was filled with Diet Coke. Yeah...