Lists

In spite of the loving hugs and talks with students and staff when I went into work after school yesterday and today, I did manage to finish my lists of tasks for my return in January.Although I tried to stay STRONG, I ended up weeping and sharing lots of touching stories about Patt and even about the end of his life, which was a beautiful and terrible time. It'll probably be positive to keep busy and stressed about other things like incompetent members of my department, the end of the semester, whiny students, etc. *sigh* On my list for the trip are a myriad of items(always terrified I'll forget a charger) and written almost as an afterthought: PATT.

This wasn't the way he envisioned his Bucket List trip to California. :( I read in one of my grieving books that most people get tired of dealing with someone's loss in a month, so I guess I have a few more weeks to mourn, right? If it's all the same to you all, it's going to take me way longer than that.

I don't remember the story very well, but we were at a gymnastics meet in Oregon and a dog somehow got out of the hotel window. It was panicked, so my husband got up there(no fear of heights at all) and coaxed the animal back into the room. Patt was very good with dogs, although Alison's cat Mari was a mystery to him. I think she just hates everyone!

He was often the only dad who came on gymnastics trips(this one was in Pennsylvania I think) so he ended up spending a lot of time with, what I laughingly called his "harem." :)

If you've read this blog for long, I don't need to tell you that his own girls were the most important thing in his life and he let us know that in many ways, even before he got cancer. He was always PRESENT, ready to listen, problem solve, make us laugh, suggest a spontaneous activity or get us out of our routines. I used to feel a bit cranky about having to change plans because he would get (as I would say) "a wild hair up his you-know-where." But now I look fondly back at those memories and remember how many unexpectedly wonderful times we shared because of his spontaneity. And I'm making myself weepy...

Santa Monica will NOT have this, in spite of Ashley's whining about the cold. (60s/40s instead of 40s/30s here) I'm hoping that it will feel right to be away from home. I think my husband would have approved of us continuing with our trip. He was always a very flexible guy.

Comments

[Donna W]

I know Patt would approve. After all, it's the people he loves best. Follow your gut feelings.

[Adrasteia]

I'd say I can't believe people get sick of hearing about someone's grief after only a month, but I totally can. That sounds about right for most people I've run into. They can't stand prolonged suicidal depression, either. Rei once told me to stop complaining and just kill myself already, which I thought was a bit harsh. After all, my cat had just died and it'd only been like two weeks. But then, she's certifiably insane. So what can you do? *shrug* I'd be grieving for a long time too. I don't think anyone here will give you crap about it. I think you're right and Patt would want you to go. Make sure to do something while you're there that he would've loved, even if it's not your cup of tea, and dedicate it to him. That's what I'd do, anyway. So it feels like you're bringing him with you in spirit, as indeed you are. Je t'aime! <3

[Marie K]

Looks like you got a lot more snow than we did. I'm enjoying your little stories about Patt. Have a safe trip.

[kayak woman]

I think your trip is the perfect thing to do. Have fun!

[Ally Bean]

Enjoy your trip. It'll do you good to see a different place, think different thoughts, be with those who you love. Safe travels.

[Zazzy]

Can only imagine how hard it is to step back into your "real" life. I've said it before, it feels like the world should just stop for a while. I hope that your trip is good and brings a little sunshine into your life.

[nerves05]

You grieve at your pace. There is no time limit. Everyone is different. They say time heals. But really it only takes the sting out of it. It never really heals the loss of a loved one.. But you will find some folks will feel you should be moving on faster than you are.. but when someone else isn't feeling your pain it's hard for them to understand. Just take your time.
I think the trip will be good for you and i'm pretty sure Patt would want you to go and try to enjoy your self. Remember he's still there with you always. :-)

[Brett]

You just take your time and grieve till "You" are done no matter how long it takes ! And, "Try" to enjoy your trip south. A little warmth this time of year can be a good thing.

Hugs And Good Vibes

[Tonya Watkins]

Grieving takes as long as it takes. There's no schedule for that.

I imagine that going back to work will feel surreal, but like you said it WILL be a distraction. Which is good, except for the annoying people issues.

Enjoy this trip. It's so special to spend it with your girls.

[Michelle]

Work used to utterly consume me. I would completely forget about my life outside of work while I was there. I think it will be helpful.

(I think I may have just talked myself into getting a job.)

Love ya.

[Karan]

You keep on talking about your grief and share your stories as long as you need to do that. Those who genuinely care will listen for as long as you need them to.

[Pam J.]

There's something comforting about reading your memories. When I talk to someone about a lost loved one it seems like that person is in the room with me, just a little bit but enough to count. Following your journey has made me acutely aware of my own 30+ years of marriage. How I take it for granted!

[Jan]

I can't imagine who would think a month is adequate time to mourn! I love your Patt stories - especially since I never met him in real life. It's easy to see why you loved him so much and why he leaves such an empty space in your life. I'm glad you have so many memories.

[Pam J.]

This is such a bittersweet time. There is no more physical suffering or hard medical decisions to make, and the pictures and stories show a life well-lived, and a man well-loved. But he's not physically present. That's so hard to adjust to. No getting around that. For myself, I've continued to talk about the ones I've lost years after their deaths. I still occasionally say "xx would have been so happy to learn XYZ." Or "if my dad were here he would say blah blah blah."

If I didn't say it elsewhere you and your daughters have my condolences.