*photo credits go to Ashley's Droid phone* I would have felt more in control if I had put my battery in my camera. Ironically, I did have it in my purse for all the good that did! My brain feels like it's wrapped in cotton wool sometimes. My husband was interred in his niche today and I wasn't expecting to be an emotional wreck about it. I know, naive, right? My stomach was queasy all day and then when we arrived, I started crying and spent the whole time doing so off and on. I did manage some funny stories about my husband, even sharing a few moments from the old(1991-1993) videos that Ashley and I watched last night. I absolutely loved hearing his voice and seeing him, but it made the longing for him even worse.
This part of it seemed so final. Seeing the nameplate was particularly painful. I bought flowers so that each person could put a flower into the vase; I started it out with a short(teary) speech about how much he loved plants, like his mom, and how it takes many blooms of friends and family to make a bouquet. Cheesy, I know, but I did mean it, especially my heartfelt, "I love you, Patt" when I touched the box of his ashes. Are people REALLY that small when all the water is out? The girls didn't want to talk about this, but I was nonplussed. And our holidays? They were a blur. Christmas Eve at my parents was different to say the least; my mom was a "hot mess" and that made Ashley and me very weepy also. Christmas Day the girls and I went to a movie, where we were the youngest in the theater, ME INCLUDED. The film was a bit too artsy for us, although we have a new joke, "MURDERER, MURDERER!" You would have to see the movie to understand why we laugh about that line.
The next not-so-special occasion will be New Year's, the 33rd anniversary of our first meeting. I hate feeling like I just have to "get through things," but it is my reality. Have I mentioned that my husband(the one in the plaid) was a quirky and spontaneous guy? ;)
May peace envelop you and your daughters during this difficult time. Your ceremony with the flowers and the bouquet of friends sounds so beautifully appropriate. Your reaction to Patt's nameplate is not surprising as you are a woman of letters. Language is so meaningful to you. My heart breaks for you and your family. There is never enough time with our loved ones. So glad that you and Patt met 33 years ago, and that that special night made all the difference in your life.
Posted by: Paulette | December 27, 2012 at 07:04 PM
The niche looks elegant, though it's sad to see that Patt's neighbors, like him, seem too young to be resting there.
Thinking of you.
Posted by: Tracy | December 27, 2012 at 08:43 PM
The ceremony sounds lovely and heart felt. I'm sure each milestone will be hard. We'll be here to listen and send at least virtual hugs and support.
Posted by: Zazzy | December 27, 2012 at 09:18 PM
It does look very elegant, and the ledge and bud vase will hold nice bouquets. Just wish so badly that this didn't have to be so.
Posted by: Tonya Watkins | December 27, 2012 at 10:25 PM
Fuzzy brain is completely understandable under the circumstances. And, yes, internment does indeed seem very final -- making things heartrendingly and tangibly real. And the emotions, well, they sort of sneak up on you, don't they? Love you, strong beautiful smart caring woman.
Posted by: Michelle | December 28, 2012 at 05:22 AM
I loved the romantic kiss -- though clearly it made you laugh at the time. Glad Patt is finally "home" -- and glad you and the girls could put him to rest peacefully. I know that "celebrating" over the holidays must have been terribly hard, but the video of the girls dancing showed that you also knew that family comes first and people must go on, even if you have to help them do that when you must feel mired to the memories of a past that can never be reclaimed. You may not believe it now, but you are showing incredible strength through all this sadness. Our love continues to surround you. MGW
Posted by: Melissa | December 28, 2012 at 08:56 AM
I don't think that was cheesy. The flowers and stories sound like they were just right. Hugs.
Posted by: Marie K | December 28, 2012 at 09:17 AM
I think a lot of people just try to get through the holidays, whether they admit it or not, for various reasons. So glad you had your girls and folks around you for this one. The niche is lovely, as are the flowers. <3
Posted by: Adrasteia | December 28, 2012 at 12:05 PM
At my age, I know there is at least a 50/50 chance that I will be going through the same things you are now experiencing. I won't be as young as you, but I'm sure such a loss feels the same at any age.
Posted by: Donna W | December 28, 2012 at 03:28 PM
Difficult as it was to do, you made a good choice with this style & place of interment. The niche is stylish.
I can only imagine how emotionally difficult this December has been, and will continue to be, for you. There is no way through it, but to do it. A cliche? Yes. But one based in truth. Things will get, if not better, at least more tolerable for you as the months go on.
Posted by: Ally Bean | December 29, 2012 at 08:43 AM