*photo credits go to Ashley's Droid phone* I would have felt more in control if I had put my battery in my camera. Ironically, I did have it in my purse for all the good that did! My brain feels like it's wrapped in cotton wool sometimes. My husband was interred in his niche today and I wasn't expecting to be an emotional wreck about it. I know, naive, right? My stomach was queasy all day and then when we arrived, I started crying and spent the whole time doing so off and on. I did manage some funny stories about my husband, even sharing a few moments from the old(1991-1993) videos that Ashley and I watched last night. I absolutely loved hearing his voice and seeing him, but it made the longing for him even worse.
This part of it seemed so final. Seeing the nameplate was particularly painful. I bought flowers so that each person could put a flower into the vase; I started it out with a short(teary) speech about how much he loved plants, like his mom, and how it takes many blooms of friends and family to make a bouquet. Cheesy, I know, but I did mean it, especially my heartfelt, "I love you, Patt" when I touched the box of his ashes. Are people REALLY that small when all the water is out? The girls didn't want to talk about this, but I was nonplussed. And our holidays? They were a blur. Christmas Eve at my parents was different to say the least; my mom was a "hot mess" and that made Ashley and me very weepy also. Christmas Day the girls and I went to a movie, where we were the youngest in the theater, ME INCLUDED. The film was a bit too artsy for us, although we have a new joke, "MURDERER, MURDERER!" You would have to see the movie to understand why we laugh about that line.
The next not-so-special occasion will be New Year's, the 33rd anniversary of our first meeting. I hate feeling like I just have to "get through things," but it is my reality. Have I mentioned that my husband(the one in the plaid) was a quirky and spontaneous guy? ;)