So, how many of you actually read the link to the Veil article in my last post? Because I'm going to refer to it at this one month "anniversary." The Veil is still ripped away and I'm trying to mend it with numerous mundane activities, both big and small. As my grieving book said, most people have moved on from the immediacy of someone's loss after one month...and sure enough, today was the first day I didn't get any cards in the mail. I admit that I've been spending some of my time wallowing in anger and hating reality. So, stay away if you can't handle a dose of bitterness now and then. I'm working on getting that pesky Veil back, since it's a great distraction and covers up what I don't want to or can't handle. I'm doing so thus:
- I went back to work yesterday, to the apparent delight of my students and colleagues. I had the best sub in the world, but my students were still glad to be back to their own familiar routine. ME TOO! There were hugs galore and not too many tears, although I did fight for control at times. And I also vented about department politics with a couple of close friends; how does a teacher who is doing his job end up with 113 As(nearly every student) and 0 Fs? IN FIRST YEAR?? I'm sure the admin loves it, but really? I need to retire.
- Yesterday I also took our VHS C tapes to Costco to have them transferred to DVD, so that we can play them easily and they'll be safe. There are so many touching moments on them with my husband talking, hugging the girls, comforting them, making jokes, even being a jerk. :) It took a long time because I kept putting the Touch of Death on each photo machine I used. I ended up using three different ones, although the employee assured me that it wasn't my fault. Yeah, right.
I also sent in his obituary and a photo(of him in a cheesehead and a quirky grin) to the local newspaper--to be published on January 13th, unless I somehow messed up. ;) I'll eventually put up a link to the beautiful words that Ashley wrote about him, some of them from his own obit/autobiography. Now we/I move on to planning his Celebration of Life. For me that includes scanning loads of photos and producing a photo show with some of his favorite John Denver music; for the girls it will mean putting together a duet of "On the Wings of a Dream" and figuring out a sing-a-long for Take me home, country road. This feels like something he would want to be part of, if he were here.
- As always, supportive friends and family are the best, like my sister of the heart who was waiting in my driveway when I got home from work today. We chatted for a while; it was great to have the company on a lonely Friday evening. We won't discuss my husband's family since they've been non-existent for me OR THE GIRLS. My husband would say to write them off, in fact not too long before he died, he told me, "When I'm gone, you don't need to have anything to do with my sister and brother!" But it's still impossible hard not to feel bitter.