That I’m sad, but not incapacitated.
That I would miss him, but that I would manage to get through the days and do what I need to and even, at times, what I want to.
That I’m struggling against the tide of grief, but not lost in the waves.
That I’m frustrated and scared by the uncertainties of life as a widow, but not overwhelmed by them.
That I’m disappointed in others at times, but remain realistic in my expectations of people.
That I’m leaning on those who love me without being maudlin all the time.
That I’m keeping busy, as always, with coffee dates and dinners and meaningful times with my friends and family.
That I’m moving forward, one slow and painful step at a time.
That I would work through the process of losing him as I've worked through other tragedies in my life. He believed that I was brave and strong and depended on me a lot the past two years, which was a major shift in our relationship.
That I loved him desperately and long for him every minute, but that I'm more than just part of a couple or someone's mother. He always respected me for my independence and had complete trust in me; now I have to work on making him proud.
"Knowing that your life will end in a finite
number of years makes the life that we have much more precious. It's not
the dress rehearsal, this is the performance." -Sean Carroll
Really realizing that this was the only life I was going to get was what made me ditch my old boyfriend and marry Patrick right away. There truly is no dress rehearsal.
Posted by: Adrasteia | February 08, 2013 at 07:23 PM
Thank you, Margaret. So beautifully stated. I am currently reading Proof of Heaven, a book written by a neurosurgeon about an ND experience (http://tiny.cc/q4s8rw), So I want to change "What he knew" to "What he knows." Peace.
Posted by: Paulette | February 09, 2013 at 06:33 AM
OOPS. Mistake.http://tiny.cc/qgt8rw
Posted by: Paulette | February 09, 2013 at 06:35 AM
And you think you're not strong? It is impossibly hard but you are getting through it. I think that you are making him proud.
Posted by: Zazzy | February 09, 2013 at 09:10 AM
I love this picture.
Posted by: Tonya Watkins | February 09, 2013 at 02:06 PM
Please keep referring back to this entry as the months wear on. Not to be a negative in your life (like you need someone other than his family doing that) but things may bet tougher as spring approaches. Keep remembering that he KNEW you could survive this . . . and more. We are always with you and have your back. MGW
Posted by: Melissa | February 09, 2013 at 03:16 PM
Indeed.
Posted by: Donna W | February 09, 2013 at 05:46 PM
He still knows it!
Posted by: Tracy | February 09, 2013 at 07:28 PM
I Believe You Are Making Him Proud !
Keep Moving Forward And Believing !
As Always I'm Sending Hug's And Good Vibes Your Way !
Posted by: Brett | February 10, 2013 at 12:13 PM
beautiful my friend!
Posted by: ms_teacher | February 10, 2013 at 02:29 PM
beautiful and perfect.
Posted by: Arlene | February 11, 2013 at 09:03 PM