Stargazer

50 Years-Part 1

John decided not to attend our Friday night (casual) activity at the Chalet Tavern, which I fully supported. However, after that and due to the rainy day, I wasn't very motivated to go either. I'm no longer a bar type person: the noise, the crowds, and the general ambiance. I'm also not as adept at social chit chat as I used to be. The people watching can be quite fascinating though! 

Many people I'm close to showed up, so I'm glad I went. One of my classmates exclaimed, "You've had a face lift! Where are all your wrinkles?" LOL, my response was that it was dark in there (it was) and that facelifts aren't so much a thing in Washington. (she lives in Los Angeles and is loosely affiliated with the entertainment industry) This afternoon will be filled with decorating, then the whirlwind of the formal reunion event. I'll be glad/sad when it's over. 

Aren't these mini-Jedis adorable? In exciting news, Sharky is adapting pretty well to Transitional Kindergarten although having more melt downs at home, probably letting loose of the stress of all the changes. In even more thrilling news, Older Daughter was notified Friday that she did get the state job she was hoping for; it was an excellent offer! She's taking the weekend to think about it but will undoubtedly accept. She's excited yet apprehensive since it involves supervising people, LOTS of things to learn, and adjustments to the whole family's routine. On the other job front, Younger Daughter is still training for her VA medical records affiliated job; her boss and the other trainee have much more medical experience than she does (a paramedic and a medical scribe) and she's intimidated by that. I'm hoping that it works out for her! It doesn't help that this week is Anders' long stretch with his dad, causing separation anxiety and angst in her and me. I miss him! Now it's onward with the weekend and mundane tasks like folding laundry and cleaning out the cat box. Just keeping it real!

Nothing too new

My mom is fond of saying, "Nothing new but I don't want anything new. Boring is good." However, many in my family are settling down to very natural yet new routines: Younger Daughter with her job training and Anders in daycare, split between her ex and her. (a complicated schedule, ugh!) Older Daughter and family are adapting to Sharky's first and subsequent days in Transitional Kindergarten. Change can feel frightening and insecure at first. And emotionally draining. As I tell myself frequently, it is and always will be a fact of life.

Although Sharky was quiet and seemed a bit overwhelmed by all the people on his first day, his mother says that there were no tantrums or whining; he smiled at the teachers and was only a little clingy. I would be too! I'm hoping that he has an excellent day. 

 

In the meantime, John came down for a few hours to put in my new dimmer switch, hook up my Comcast equipment (trying to save money by not having hundreds of channels) and admire my Halloween decorations. I realized that I'm hosting Book Club this month and one of the members is bringing her incredible pumpkin bars. Also, Typepad is having its photo issues again, grrr. Why don't I just switch to WordPress or Blogger? Well, the devil you know, as the saying goes. :(

Sideways decorations? Maybe that's a metaphor for the world. Trying to be festive when things seem topsy turvy?

Although this is more of a John style dahlia, I can't help but be amazed by all the symmetrical petals. It's almost hypnotic, isn't it?

Thank you to Suzanne for the Kamala coloring book; Mari seems (?) to appreciate it too even though it's taking up space on "her" chair. Coloring is supposed to be calming therapy for adults, so maybe I need to give it a try. :)

 

 

 

Hello, October

My 50-year high school reunion is this weekend AND...John is still sick so who knows whether I'll have a date. My hair is at an awkward stage (trim or no trim?) plus they botched my pedicure today, or I did by wearing the wrong sandals and smearing the design on my big toe. I know that these are the proverbial first world problems, right?

Mom and I took some of her hydrangeas to dad's niche for his birthday; seeing his name on the cover always makes me think about how much I miss him: his kindness, his sense of humor, his passion for books and mostly his love and support for me. 

In the meantime, the Littles are growing up. In a few days, Sharky will be attending Transitional Kindergarten; how did that happen? He met his teacher and toured his classroom the other day; he was excited by the magnet tiles which he uses at home to build all sorts of structures. Obro can now say his brother's name perfectly instead of in his baby way. His language is growing in leaps and bounds. And since Younger Daughter is now training for her new job, Anders is in mostly full-time daycare (a convoluted story) and both he and his mother are having emotional trauma reactions to that enormous change. Older Daughter had her third interview for a state job in her field that she really wants. I'm nervous for her. Maybe I don't need a hair trim because I can just tear it out?

At least my walks have been lovely with perfect temperatures and some glorious scenery along my route. Hey, the mountain is wearing her "hat!" Hat=lenticular cloud, meaning I better get out my umbrella for future walks. 

Mari is loving the cooler morning weather because that means that I turn on HER fire! Even for me, watching the flames is very calming. To think that when my late husband insisted on a gas fireplace for the house, I fought him about it. (too much money, not needed) I was wrong...again, although not about the cost. $$$

I rarely disagree with my Mountain Man of Alaska quotes (in October's case, Abe, a high-flying orthopedic hand surgeon) but routines are not the enemy; they give us structure and stability. I get a sense of security and comfort from my routines. Adventures aren't always positive or pleasant. Many moments in our day can be adventures, small though they might be. Sometimes walking to the mailbox is enough of one for me! :)





 

Fall Days

Fall has been showing up a lot more lately in the leaves, the crisp air and the very blue sky. John has taken his man cold two hours away to work at his late mom's house which (honestly) leaves a hole in my life; Younger Daughter didn't have Anders for the weekend, so she headed to a friend's for a movie night and then went backpacking with a group of people. Soon she'll start training for her new job and Anders will be in daycare. She's still struggling with this break up; I think she dreamt they would work out their issues and get back together to have a united family. Apparently, she read too many sappy romance novels as a teenager and still believes in happy endings! Speaking of happy, Older Daughter and her husband got married six years ago when my world felt a little less crazy. YD was with the boyfriend I liked, my dad was still alive, and John and I were just getting to know one another after my own bad break up. I've pointed out to YD how much I agonized over losing Henry (who wasn't right for me at all); I never would have imagined meeting and dating a guy like John. A 1000% improvement, believe me! 

These two went out for their anniversary dinner on Friday evening with my niece and me babysitting. It's so much easier with two people, plus the littles adore my niece. In fact, Obro banished me from the room several times, "No Mémé., Mémé bye bye." Although my feelings weren't hurt, I AM used to being more popular. Sniff.

They are awfully sweet, aren't they? 

And this kitty is always great for a loving look or cozy lap sit. :)

Mom and I have been spending quite a bit of time together looking at old family photos and discussing our history. This is my mom's maternal Nonna who lost her husband in his 40s, probably of black lung. (he was a coal miner) She married for a second time but was again widowed and died herself at 62. Mom has very fond memories of her; she was a sweet lady who ran a boarding house to support herself. No safety nets back then at all. 

The couple on the right were my mom's paternal Nonna, her second husband in the suit and tie (first one died of black lung) August dal Bosco and her two sons from her first marriage. That little guy is my grandfather. I'm fascinated by their hairstyles and clothing, as well as their grim expressions--life wasn't easy for Italians in their small town. 

My mom is second from the right with her brother and sister (left) and between her cousins. My mom wants to throw all these pictures out but I've begged her not to. They are a treasure. 

One of my neighbors is still buying dahlias to put out for free to passersby. What a day brightener! I couldn't resist these beautiful orange and yellow ones which I inadvertently arranged in a heart shape. Now it's on to watch more of "Moonflower Murders." I read the book several years ago, so you would think I would remember "who dunnit?" and would be less confused about what's going on. You would be wrong. LOL

 

Thank You

As usual, my commenters/blog friends have been supportive and thoughtful about my latest crises. I thank you all for your wise words and care about my situation. I certainly never saw myself here, nor did I envision the problems of parenting adults. I grieve for the carefree existence I once thought would be mine once my kids were out of the house, when I retired, etc. The fact is that life is and always will be a roller coaster. I will never quite figure it out but intend to keep trying!

So, how is everything else going? Well, can you see the hole in my ceiling? That's where the smoke detector was that I told John I wanted disabled (can't get to it without an enormous ladder) and he basically told me that it would be fine, no problem. I've learned the hard way that the sealed 10-year detectors shouldn't be near anything electrical; in each of the eight cases, they went over a formerly wired one. So, this one started shrieking one evening, necessitating a call to John who drove down here to remove it. The next move is to put a cover over that hole, NOT another smoke detector. The other ones I can reach so they can stay--although it's only a matter of time before they also misbehave. :(

While we were fiddling with breakers and the smoke detector, we (meaning John) discovered the dimmer switch in the dining room was broken. So, another hole, this time in the wall! 

On the plus side, I'm thankful to eat out with this sweetie and his mother; I hope his life will be free from the current drama and that everything will work out/improve. Lalalala, just call me Pollyanna!

He loved toddling around the bakery, smiling at everyone and keeping people from coming in the door until I picked him up. What a charmer he is!

I'm seeing these two tonight so their parents can go out for a 6th wedding anniversary dinner. Why did I think that the boys have the same color hair? Obro's is definitely lighter and curlier. :)

Older Daughter sent me this photo from long ago--not from the '70s as you might imagine, but from Junior Prom 2004. This was her first boyfriend Tiny Tim Curtis. As the saying goes, "He was a real piece of work." It seems to be the theme of YD's relationships too lately. Sigh. 

 

 

Drama

I'm extremely fatigued writing about the issues between Younger Daughter and Ex and that I am the reluctant go-between. I understand the reasons why: she is manipulative, and he is clueless about any wrongs he's ever done. (he's perfect, ya know) She's had lots of problems which he hasn't understood and can't forgive, and he's been toxic for her as well with his constant judgements and criticism. But I feel like I'm in junior high! However, I will do anything to keep that sweet little boy safe and happy. Some days are particularly emotional and hard though and today was one of them. #1 They're hammering out a custody schedule (through me) and can't agree at all! #2 YD found a daycare after checking out 6-7 and finding wait lists until January or March. The ex is furious that we didn't consult him so that he could get a say in it. 12 months of little support or fathering from him and now he wants much more control. #3 YD is depressed, anxious and ready to give up on everything and everyone. She needs therapy, anti-depressants, and less stress--none of which I can provide for her. Parenting was way easier when they were younger, and when I had more emotional energy! 

The weather has been beautiful, the last gasp of summer. Today it's gone fallish: 60s with rain and some wind. (suits my mood)

My plants are still hanging on, but as the temperatures dip into the 40s at night, they'll start to wither. It's a tough transition for me to watch. I do love autumn although it's a season of letting go of light and sunshine.

TK=Transition to Kindergarten

Older Daughter posted this to her Instagram stories last night, and it broke my heart. What kind of country or world do we live in and is there any escape from this? My poor Sharky. :(

 

 

Wild Life (and wildlife)

I live in the suburbs of Puyallup (in unincorporated Pierce County), yet it has its rural aspects. Every day on my walk to my mom's down a busy street, I pass a couple horses and these chickens. They just roam around, very near the road; I wonder if they ever get hit!  Note: I discovered a few days ago that most people pronounce my town Pew AL up whereas I prefer Pew ALL up. Have I been wrong all these decades? I'm too old to change. 

Many months ago on our way to donate some stuff I'd found in my house, John spotted an Estate Sale sign and insisted that we stop. Ironically, he bought nothing whereas I found a couple vests: the blue Seahawk one that I frequently wear and a black one that's a bit too tight for my comfort. However, it went better with my outfit, so I put it on. When I opened the pockets to put my phone in, I discovered a bill inside and when I pulled it out (assuming it was $1 or $5) it turned out to be THIS. To say I was disbelieving was an understatement! As I told John, if I had found it while the sale was still going, I would have returned it to the family. I'm ridiculously ethical that way. Since it's too late now, John and I will use it to splurge on dinner out after a Seahawks game. Speaking of that, 3-0! Being cynical, I wonder whether they've played anyone decent. In the last game, Miami ended up with their 3rd string quarterback in; who next, the ball boy? I may not be yelling at the TV over the (improved) defense this season, but I will be over the penalties if they keep doing such stupid things. Tiresome. At least the Miami coach was entertaining to watch with his elaborate shrugging and mouthed WTFs, as well as storming down the sideline from time to time. Such drama! :)

After returning home from John's this morning, I realized that 1. The plastic container that I thought was so secure wasn't cat proof. 2. Mari is relentless in her pursuit of treats. 3. I hate throwing out left over muffins but won't eat anything that she may have licked. Sorry, Mari! 

This young 5th grade teacher from my niece and nephew's small private Baptist school had a pain in her side, went to the ER, was diagnosed with a blood infection and died late last week. When I went to the school's website, she wasn't listed among their staff nor was there any tribute to her on there; it was quite mysterious. My sister-in-law, who barely earned her high school diploma, will be subbing in her classroom until they can find another teacher. My mom: SIL has experience because she home schooled. Me: Really? Those lesson plans were given to her by Bob Jones University (eye roll) and she was dealing with only 1-2 children. Also my mom: SIL told me that when she subs, she doesn't have much time to do anything else that day. Me, the working mom: For crying out loud! bites tongue  

P.S. I did decide to ask John whether Granddaughter would be attending that program for neurodivergent/autistic children in Pew-ALL-up. (he doesn't know yet) But I hope he looks at the description to see for whom the social skills classes are geared. I've been waiting for a natural opening to gently point him in this direction, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Since his daughter brought it up without going into detail, I figured I could then run with it. 

This and That

Younger Daughter starts training for her new job on October 1, Sharky begins pre-K (now called Transition to Kindergarten), and Older Daughter is in the first stages of interviewing for a state job in her field of geography/ecology. There are MANY potential changes, a need for affordable daycare (rolls eyes) and a whole bunch of scary adjustments. I keep telling myself that with any new situation, we have positives and negatives and that it's always, always hard at first. Even as a 37-year veteran of classroom teaching, I was nervous and unsettled at going back to school; each year felt like a brand-new position: different students, colleagues, rules, etc. So...

Yes, here's how I feel a lot of the time. Sharky will get out of Pre-K at 2:30; what happens when his dad (hopefully) goes back to work? I'm happy to help, but not every day. Then there's Anders--a busy little guy at 14 months who needs constant supervision, impossible from a working mom, even a remotely working one. And of course, I have my 92-year-old mom who depends on me for help and company. There is NOT enough of me to go around! 

I love how my little guys wait for John and me to arrive, then wave and call out to us from an upstairs window. We had dinner at their house, a delicious cauliflower with tzatziki/yogurt sauce and a farro/veggie/tomato sauce mix that was spectacular. Homemade marionberry pie for dessert. John is probably wondering why the gourmet cooking gene skipped a generation. :)

The Littles hadn't seen John for a while, so they were all over him to tell him "important" stuff, have him read books to them and snuggle in his lap. Suddenly, Mémé wasn't #1. Sigh. 

Lawnmowing and watching "Long Lost Family" have figured prominently in my routine. Walking too of course. The mornings include a purring cat on my lap and my geography and word games. That lazy schedule may change substantially in the next few weeks! 

P.S. Apparently, John is babysitting his youngest grandchild so his son-in-law can take the older one to a social skills class in my town. (desperately needed, in my opinion)I think it's this one which very clearly states that it's for neurodivergent/neurodiverse children. I wonder if I should send it to him? Still thinking about that...

 

 

Tales of Past and Present

In 2009 and 2015 I visited my older daughter in Senegal; they were TRIPS in more ways than one. I learned a lot about myself and challenges that I could face and meet. The latter time was preceded by going to South Korea in March and Thailand in August to see Younger Daughter. By the time I returned home, I was thoroughly burned out, as life changing and fascinating as my travels were. Now when these memories come through on Facebook, I think, "There is no way I could do that again." Too many time changes, lots of shots and pills, culture and cuisine differences, AND ginormous bugs. 

Senegal has beautiful areas, although the history of this place isn't at all pretty. 

It also can be frightening, mostly the animals and the driving. The people were generally friendly and helpful...when they weren't heavily pressuring us to buy something. I soon learned that big markets (like Dakar) gave me near anxiety attacks and that I couldn't establish eye contact with vendors. Even a firm "NON" was an invitation to barter, so I (with great difficulty) ignored the entreaties and kept silent. Yes, I can do it! 

This photo came through in my memories too. Chinook (on the bottom) was the best dog--a Malamute mix and so sweet and affectionate. The puppy was Kiwi, an Australian shepherd, Blue Heeler and Dingo mix. We should have called him Dingy! He was ferociously smart, but destructive and mischievous like most working dogs when they get bored. I haven't had a dog in decades and seeing this photo makes me nostalgic for these cuties. But dogs are lots of work and Mari would definitely disapprove. 

Fast forward to the present: Anders, his mom and I took her Jeep to get new brakes. (ouch) He adored the big tires and toddling around the showroom. 

He also loved "driving" the '44 Jeep Willys. He fussed a lot when I took him out of there! :)

I'm thankful that all three grandsons enjoy books and being read to. In big news, Younger Daughter appears to have a new job working for the VA and assembling medical paperwork for veterans' appointments. Although it's mostly remote, it would involve training to do basic medical tasks. She really wanted the position and is excited about it whereas I'm asking myself these questions: What is she going to do about daycare? How much will I be involved and for how long? And even more importantly, will it conflict with AA? I want her to work, but it's vital that she stay healthy too. Like the Facebook relationship status says, IT'S COMPLICATED. 

 

A Blur

My sleep was interrupted, I'm still extremely concerned about Younger Daughter and her attitude and situation, I may be getting a cold (ugh)yet the weekend with the grandsons was fabulous. It was particularly special that both daughters wanted to visit their grandma, which delighted her immensely. She loves being with family! 

Upon seeing me, both boys wanted to be picked up and snuggled. I'm in decent shape for 68, but about 60 pounds of squirming little guys was a bit much. Thankfully, they allowed me to put them down so they could walk into Gigi's house. Whew! 

We played, we danced, we shared videos of the boys, and we chatted with Gigi. I know it meant a lot to my mom.

Prior to the boys' and their mom's visit, I bought some VERY healthy cereals for breakfast. Just kidding! They chose the dinosaur egg oatmeal which turned out to be quite disappointing. The dinosaurs were miniscule and dissolved quickly. Sharky and Obro didn't fuss at all though, just ate every bit of the oatmeal. During their breakfast, Older Daughter and I were busy making coffee after a night of wake ups and musical beds. I ended up with Sharky in my daughter's bed where she had originally been and Obro and his mom finished the short night in the futon where Sharky started out. I am lucky to still be awake at 7 p.m. yawn

Then later this morning, it was off to the Fair with Younger Daughter and Anders. The wagon that my neighbor gave me was a lifesaver. It always sounds possible to carry kids or allow them to walk but believe me...IT IS NOT.

Anders loved his first Fair scone. More, more! Frankly, I make better ones although they don't look as neat. These cost $3 a piece (!); we old-timers can remember when they were 25 cents. Of course, our salaries were nowhere near where they are now either. People conveniently forget that fact.

The petting zoo was great for the kids, but I thought there were too many goats. I'm not a fan. There were also some chickens, a sheep and rabbit, plus numerous other animals to look at. Anders was obviously intrigued by this guy. 

It was crazy when this goat nibbled on Anders' Croc and then on my daughter's purse. They really do want to eat anything! 

It can be so relaxing to just sit in the grass while your older cousins play (Obro) or do a Farmville scavenger hunt (Sharky).

Gigi went through some old photos while we were at her house and found this one of my late husband with Older Daughter. She was shocked to see how much Sharky resembles her. It's poignant to revisit these memories and wish he were here to enjoy his grandsons. I know he would have adored them as much as I do.