Stargazer

66

You already know that I have mixed feelings about August and all its meaningful dates. It's not sadness, more nostalgia about the major changes of the past ten years. There are just too many worlds colliding during this month, too many versions of my life. After a bit of thought, I hid my birthday on Facebook which meant that only a few wished me a Happy Day. The birthday greetings from those who never interact with me otherwise felt artificial anyway. 

A friend, also named Margaret, treated me to a coffee and we caught up on grandparenting, family matters and school district gossip. I'm trying to do everything outside these days since several cautious Covid virgins have caught the virus lately. And are miserable. I would rather avoid that if possible! 

I think I have the towel upside down? I showed it to John and reminded him that we've only been on one bike ride lately. Hint, hint. I know it's a lot of work for him to charge the batteries and load the bikes, so I try to exert only gentle pressure. ;)

My financial advisor sent me flowers. Cynical John says that it means he's making lots of money off me. That's probably true, but I trust him WAY more than I do John's (Trumper) guy who has convinced him to transfer a whole bunch of IRAs into Roths, thus causing him to pay $500 per month for his Medicare PLUS a butt load in taxes. Again, like with the estate sales accumulation, if we were married, there would be some fireworks. Since we're not, I can keep my mouth mostly shut. ;)

John told me to get whatever I wanted, so I ordered my beloved macadamia encrusted halibut in beurre blanc. Not cheap at all, but it melted in my mouth! I didn't take a photo of my free dessert which was a chocolate chip cookie/brownie combo with vanilla ice cream. (shared with John of course) Since it was my birthday, there were no calories in any of this, right? Or the Mac and Jacks Amber ale? 

It was a lovely evening on the deck of Dukes on Tacoma's Ruston Way, but it was actually a little chilly. I was happy for my jacket! John was unhappy that he hadn't brought his. 

We got warmed up on a post-dinner walk at Dune Park, named for our local author Frank Herbert. There were lots of water and boat views although none of the mountains were out, unfortunately. Still I loved the scenery and the fresh air. My family dinner is tomorrow, on what would have been my late husband's 69th birthday, the UPers have found daycare (whew) and my younger daughter has been communicating a little bit. I'm always worried about her but have no control over a 32-year-old. If only...

"Sit awhile with me

And look out at the Sea

I am with you, and you are with me"

It was a wonderful 66th birthday. 

 

Balancing

When you give up on a person or a place and move on, it's nearly impossible to know whether what you're gaining will be equal or more than what you're losing. It's the highest stakes gamble there is. Nearly four years ago I finalized a break (long time coming) with a guy who meant a lot to me, nearly immediately started dating John and spent the next few months in a whole lot of emotional transition. Do Not Recommend. Both daughters have recently abandoned states (and people) to relocate closer to me. The Older one is looking for a new career, having given up the academic life. She misses the better drivers of Los Angeles, her home for six years, and New York where she lived for four years. Hard to believe, I know. Washington has terrible drivers apparently! They're struggling to find childcare; the college one was incredible and that will make it tough to adapt. Prices and traffic are crazy here too, another downside. The weather is certainly milder though and they're seeing many friends who live fairly close. They have more of a community in the Pacific Northwest than they were ever able to establish in New York, partly because of the pandemic. And their house is in a beautiful locale--close to parks, excellent grocery stores, the water, a beach, etc. We won't talk about their mortgage payment...

New York is beautiful and historic, particularly the Hudson River Valley. There are numerous quaint small towns and wonderful apple orchards. I have so many fond memories of my trips to visit them. Older Daughter's college campus across the street was also spectacular. If you've read my blog for long, you've seen many photos of its splendor. 

My 62nd birthday was an emotional time for me, but these people made it joyful. I'm sad that Younger Daughter's ex (on the far left) isn't still in her life. I wasn't happy that she let go of him, particularly since the next couple boyfriends were extremely toxic. I'm not completely blaming them; her poor choices played into those situations as well. I miss you, Kramer! 

Younger Daughter left her beloved mountains, skiing and hiking to follow one of the boyfriends to Ohio. I made several great trips there, but it was obvious that it wasn't the place for her--for many reasons that shall remain unwritten.

She had to relinquish two of these cats and could only bring Carol (in the front) back to Washington. I think her heart broke a little; she still talks about June and Steve and wonders how they're doing. Decisions about leaving unhealthy situations aren't necessarily simple or black and white. To move forward we sometimes have to cut ties and leave things behind, things we treasure. 

I remind myself of this nearly every day, especially in my hard months of August and December. 

In looking for photos, I ran across this old one of my son-in-law. Although our Little Guy is a mix of his parents, there is no doubt that he resembles his daddy quite strongly! :)

 

Cemetery

I didn't have any many plans for yesterday, until Mom told me, "I'd like to take some flowers to the cemetery for your dad and the boys." (by the way, the "boys" would be 63 and 61) They are still boys to us though since they died at 16 and 24. :(There is NO way that she could manage, so I insisted on accompanying her. I haven't been for quite some time; I used to take decorations up there frequently, then it became just for my late husband's favorite holidays and his birthday. My daughters are not into cemeteries; they enjoy reminiscing about their dad when he was alive--rolling their eyes over his faux pas, remembering our BBQs and travel, and sharing funny stories about him. I'm sure their approach would have meant more to him than any amount of flowers anyway. He told me before he died, "If you visit my grave, you're doing it for yourself, not me, because I won't care. I'll be dead." 

I really did do this for me because, although my late husband liked blue, it's my favorite color!

This brother was the only family member with blue eyes thus he got the remaining blue hydrangea. 

Purple for Don--anything but yellow which he disliked. 

Mom wanted everything just right for dad's display.

It'll look better when those little roses open. I still miss my dad so much! I wonder if it freaks my mom out to see the plurals below and the space left for her. She's a pragmatist though and at 90 is fully aware of what's coming. My brother on the other hand...he hates even thinking about it. 

Those of you who believe that I have such a busy and enriched life don't realize that the highlight of my day was getting these new hiking shoes. Which I'll use to walk around my ultra-boring neighborhood! :)

 

Over the Mountains and Through the Woods...

To my grandparents' (and parents') former homes I went! lalalala As I've probably blogged about before, my great-grandparents came over from Italy (mom) and Scotland/England (dad) and eventually settled in the small communities of Cle Elum and Roslyn in central Washington. My paternal grandfather was a brick mason who built structures both inside and outside the coal mines. Thankfully, he wasn't a miner like two of my mom's Italian grandfathers who died young of black lung. Since I had many childhood memories of that area, when John suggested I accompany him to a tiny adjacent place (Ronald, WA) to pick up a huge load of goods, I was eager to do so. Even though I heavily disapprove of his estate sale mania. P.S. We had an in depth talk last night about the situation and we're 100% fine. 

Snoqualmie Summit, where we (actually I) had to make a pit stop, looks WAY different in the summer. I'm not sure why these bear sculptures are here at the top of the pass, but they almost burned my hands. Hopefully there are no real bears around? shiver That tube behind me is a conveyor belt for the bunny slope. What happened to the rope tows of my skiing days? :)

The estate saler was a 68-year-old electrician who had a bunch of huntin', fishin' and camo gear. He also had this cool spiral staircase (they are rare) which John clambered up while I stayed at "sea level." The guy died in January, probably (from his medication bottles) from a heart attack. His name was Mark Mickelson. Oh, the info one can find out if one is snoopy curious. As for my first visit to Ronald: it was very hot, the people were quirky and not my type, politically or interest-wise, and the amount of stuff that Mark had accumulated during his lifetime was unbelievable. Looking at you, John. 

This is his SECOND full Subaru load of goods from the sale, including this black powder rifle that he couldn't pass up. Don't worry, by today's standards it's more like a musket than a modern rifle! I won't tell you the exact amount John spent for everything, but it wasn't in the hundreds, it was in the thousands. Gulp. And I had to ride with a huge motorcycle helmet under my feet, one of four that he bought. Does John have a motorcycle or intend to get one? No. 

We decided not to stop for lunch at the Old #3, Ronald's well-known watering hole. It's named after one of the local mines, long shut down. On their website, they claim to have "honest food." What is dishonest food? Anyway, we continued on to the more famous Brick in Roslyn. If you watched Northern Exposure, the exteriors and some interiors were filmed in this town, my dad's home until he left for Marine Corps Boot Camp. 

The food and service were surprisingly good, and our Arnold Palmers were refreshing in the 90+ degree weather. The Brick isn't air conditioned by the way. Part of that is because it's Washington's oldest still operating bar. And it's called the Brick for a reason!

Northern Exposure fans would recognize that mural on the last building on the right. To me, it's just the Roslyn Cafe. More importantly, the road at the end that turns up to the right was where my dad's parents lived. I have fond memories of Grandpa giving me a quarter (so exciting!); I would walk down that hill to buy myself two comic books with my riches. Scottish grandpa also had sticks of Double Mint, Spearmint and Juicy Fruit gum in a china dish which was a treat I very much looked forward to. My mom's dad (Italian grandpa) was a dentist so sugary treats were verboten around him. :)

John insisted on reenacting one of my favorite childhood photos in front of Immaculate Conception Catholic Church in Roslyn. 64 years ago, this other picture was taken at my mom's cousin's wedding. Mom was pregnant with my late brother, and I was the blond toddler, holding her hand.  

Today our positions are reversed as I'm the one helping her. It's only fair though, right? On this date 68 years ago, my parents were married, but not here. They were different religions: my mom Catholic and my dad Episcopalian. My birthday is coming up soon and two days after that my late husband would have turned 69. John and I had our first date on August 19th four years ago. August is packed with special days, some of them happy and others poignant, all worth celebrating. 

 

Hard

There is nothing better than a coffee date with a friend, especially given my need these days to let off steam about a variety of hard topics, mainly the three Ps. (People, Politics and People) Oops, did I repeat a word? It must have been an accident. ;) Suddenly, I looked at my watch and three hours had passed. Two drinks:a grande mocha and a water. Two trips to the bathroom. And some weight was lifted off my shoulders. I've found that some friends understand specific circumstances and feelings better than others because they've been or are in those situations... whether that's dating, children, work, people problems, etc. I so appreciate the great convo and your insights, Deb!

While I was enjoying my coffee, my phone was blowing up in my purse; this former colleague and friend had died of a heart attack. Greg was often in touch, wanted to date me (in spite of my boyfriends) and was kind and supportive. He was thrilled with his grandson and equally delighted when I got one of my own. I'm still shocked at his death since the last time I ran into him, he looked healthy, trim and energetic. Would I have ever wanted to go out with him? No. His politics and mine were completely opposite and I've found that (in other relationships) to be a deal breaker. Did I like him and care about him anyway? Definitely yes. 

*Random photo I took on my walk

Speaking of relationships, John called me from the tiny central Washington town of Ronald this morning; the estate sale was on-line and also in person today and tomorrow and his FOMO wouldn't allow him to miss out on all those deals. Sigh. His behavior is starting to feel like gambling and too obsessive for my comfort. Do I discuss this with him? Or since we're not married or co-habiting (or ever planning to), is it none of my business? Should I just continue to roll my eyes and leave this topic alone? We're still going over there tomorrow but now we can head over "later." When I asked him what time, he told me he wanted to leave his house by 8:30 or 9:00. That's LATER? WTH is he thinking? *rolls eyes hard*

Semantics

Unfortunately, John is still very into his estate/garage sales and has now discovered a passion for on-line auctions. He already has SO much *stuff* to get rid of yet keeps accumulating more. I would be distraught if we lived together or were intending to get married, but since we're not, I can simply roll my eyes. Which I did strongly when he told me that we would have a truck load to bring back from an on-line estate sale in a small town named Ronald in central Washington. "Next weekend." I questioned him on that since I thought it was this upcoming weekend. I sometimes get very confused about how others discuss time. I say THIS weekend if it attaches to this week and next weekend if it is at the end of NEXT week. None of it is logical on an American calendar anyway since ours begin with Sunday. French ones start with Monday hence the weekend is actually the end of the week with both Saturday and Sunday at the far right. When I explained all this to John, it was his turn to roll his eyes! 

Before my babysitting gig starts, I'm fitting in as many lunches out as possible, this one in Gig Harbor with a couple retired lady friends. I enjoy our wide-ranging and open conversations; it's so easy to believe that everyone else has the "perfect" life when none of us does! Social media makes it appear otherwise. On another note, how can three intelligent women not realize that a red umbrella will make them look like lobsters in a photo? :)

The kids live on the way back from Gig Harbor so I stopped over to spend some time with Grandson. He has an outdoor and indoor construction zone! While I was visiting, his parents went off to get their Washington license plate for their car, still stuck and unrepaired in Montana. It's supposed to be ready by the end of August but I'm doubtful. Someone will eventually have to fly there to pick it up and drive it back. What a PITA for an accident that wasn't even their fault!

The beauteous Ziggy is busy finding all his favorite windowsills. He moved around in Los Angeles several times, then completely across the country twice so he seems content to settle in his new house. And he's hoping for no more long car trips, I'm sure!

Sickly Stargazer

It's official. My formerly impressive Stargazer lily is a third of its usual size and isn't going to bloom this year for the first time ever. Sigh. Is it the weather: too cold and rainy in June and too hot in July?  Could the problem be the unfertilized soil, full of competing tulip bulbs? And should I change the name of this site or start a new one if its namesake dies?

Although this plant was my inspiration in 2005, I'm also fascinated by astronomy and stargazing hence a second reason for my blog name. I don't think I need to go back to Margaret's Experimental Blog, do I?  (my first title) 

I suspect that life is tough for Younger Daughter right now, although she's not very open, thus I'm never quite sure. She's always happiest in the mountains and I hope she can soon find some peace in hiking and being outdoors. 

I'll be seeing a lot of this little sweetheart next week since his babysitter will be out of town and I'll be filling in. As for the search for childcare, it's not going well. He had a fabulous daycare in New York; the kids were sad to leave it, not realizing how impossible difficult it would be to find a spot here. We'll make it work, but it may involve yours truly a Granny Nanny for a while. That will be a major change/challenge to my routine! I embrace the chance to help out though because that's what moms do. This mom/Mémé anyway. 

My therapy against stress is usually a walk, thankfully in 70-degree weather. So lovely! In addition to the exercise, I met a friend for lunch at my favorite waterfront restaurant, took my mom to a medical appointment, and watered my flowers. It was mostly an ordinary day, a combination of excellent and not-so-great moments. In other words, normal. :)

A boy and his cat, aren't they sweet? 

 

Living in a Heat Wave

I work hard to live IN unpleasant situations and not through them. What's the difference? Bike rides in the morning, lazy afternoons in the heat pumped house with a companionable black cat, evenings out on the deck if it's cool enough. I try to enjoy what is and not wait for better to come along. Some of my teacher colleagues (and many of the students) marked time during the week, only focused on the weekend, the next vacation, summer, retirement, etc. This attitude seems like such a waste of the small moments that actually make up our existence. But I digress...

Slathered in sunscreen, Older Daughter, Grandson and I went to the local family-owned blueberry farm to u-pick yesterday morning. It's about a four-minute walk across the street from where I grew up; I started picking there at age 10, eventually graduating to field boss. A retired teacher bought the farm after the couple I worked for quit/died and now his kids run it. They've continued his tradition of piping gorgeous classical music into the fields which adds a lot to the ambiance. What OD learned from the "expert": What a mummy berry is, what it means to strip the bush and scrounge and a short lecture about the different types of blueberries in each area. Yawn. :)

He had his own little bucket but (no surprise), most of what he picked went into his mouth!

Sitting under the bush is always a good choice on a hot day. 

I got quite sweaty on the other hand, searching for the best berries which were often up high. 

After our outing I got cleaned up for family dinner, which included both daughters, their guys, Grandson, John and my mom. On the menu: panzanella with crab and numerous veggies, corn on the cob, raw veggies, a fruit platter, and apple crisp (made from OD's apples) for dessert. On the agenda: some bocce, plus lots of great conversation, and laughter. My mantra: Carpe Diem, although I would say to seize the moments, not just the day. 

Sweltering

We can't control the heat, so as many of you have mentioned, you have to do what you can in the mornings and evenings. Thankfully, it usually cools down well in the currently sweltering PNW, so John and I made plans for 9 a.m...

We (actually his younger daughter) chose the hottest day of the summer so far for this family bike ride through Five Mile Drive in Point Defiance Park. The weather was perfect, the scenery gorgeous and the company congenial. However...I didn't remember how to ride the electric bike very well. I didn't fall, but I did some stupid stuff like nearly catapult myself over the handlebars using the throttle, turning awkwardly and almost hitting a trail post, and so forth. I don't think I need to elaborate since I am fine and so is the very expensive Rad bike. The main thing is that we had FUN. 

Since I was taking the prior photo, here's me before we got started, feeling very peppy. You'll notice that I never take a shot after the helmet comes off. Not a good look, vaguely Beatle-esque. ;)

We spotted this majestic bald eagle which I took a pathetic picture of. Sorry, Eagle, you deserved a better photographer!

I think I redeemed myself with this glowing photo of John at Owen Beach; his face reflects his joy in the day and shows what a nice guy he is--which I've definitely come to appreciate in the past four years. I didn't understand at first that nice and kind do NOT equal boring. 

Here's what Mari thinks of our heat wave. Spoiled girl.

I returned from my lovely day (bike ride, lunch at John's daughter's, visit with my nearby older daughter) to the neighbor tearing up his lawn in 95-degree weather. Apparently, he has a leak in his sprinkler system, an issue that I'll never have since I don't have one; I just let my lawn die which may not look great but is certainly better than THIS. The worst part? He hasn't found the leak yet...

 

 

(Too) Hot

97 degrees forecast for today, which is way beyond what we're comfortable with here. Alexa has notified me numerous times that there is an Excessive Heat Warning until Sunday. Duh, really? I'm concerned for my kids and my mother although all I can do is offer my spare bedrooms and remind them to drink LOTS of water. In the meantime, I'm trying to fit in a little exercise (not very successfully), eat less (also not working since I'm mostly inside and bored) and keep busy somehow. How much can I read and do word/geography puzzles though? I reiterate that I could never live in a climate with temperatures routinely in the 90s and 100s. I don't like sitting around in A/C (or heat pumped air in my case) and I especially dislike the limitations to my outdoor activities. If I sound grouchy, that's because I AM. 

Yesterday I took over tomato cages to Older Daughter since her plants, according to her, "look like drunks staggering out of a bar at 2 a.m." My visit also gave me the chance to play with Grandson who is now back with his Covid free babysitter. I miss our full days together; however, having more free time meant that I got to enjoy a coffee out with a girlfriend and dinner with John. When Older Daughter first discovered this plant, she thought it was a pepper. What a beautiful surprise! 

Our two-year-old loves using a fork to eat his blueberries. He has incredible dexterity and is a neater eater than I am. He is such a talker and is hilarious as only a toddler can be. "Want something else." "Open fridge." He would eat mac and cheese at every meal if he could. :)

We spent several minutes laughing about the rock that he put in his diaper while he skillfully negotiated "watch some show" (he has very limited screen time) and tried to use the TV control to get his way, "Alexa, watch diggers and tractors on YouTube." Fortunately, the living room is a Siri. ;)