Stargazer

Untangling My Tinsel

Happy December from this censored Mountain Man of Alaska who is giving me some excellent advice for the month. When I was younger, I adored tinsel; unfortunately, my mom hated it and mostly refused to have it on the tree. Is tinsel still a thing? December's reality is that I could find reasons to be morose and frustrated, but will work on organizing, thus controlling my "tinsel." I'll hang it carefully on my "branches" with deliberation and planning. Life is twisted enough without me adding to it with my chaotic holiday emotions.

As I've mentioned before, December is full of various anniversaries, both joyous and sad. On this date in 2011, my niece was born. In early December 2012 my late husband came home from the care facility and went into Hospice, dying on December 4th. Thankfully, the pain and memories from then are blurry. Time may not be the great healer, but it certainly can blunt the sharp edges of loss. 

I even have a not-so-clear photo of my wedding on December 15, 1984 to illustrate that point! Who are those youngsters?

Fall/Winter seem to bring a variety of illnesses, so I was over helping out with Tiny One this morning to give his coughing mother a couple more hours of sleep. Carol, her indoor cat, thought this leaf was a toy; she also carried it around in her mouth. I wish I'd gotten that picture! Carol is such a weirdo. 

The formerly spindly rhododendron that my late husband scoured the town for (I loved the color) has grown into this, which I just got trimmed. If I were truly festive, I would put lights on it. However, I can't compete with my neighbor who has lit up palm trees, a red blinking reindeer and blue strobe lights. As I grumbled to John, "It looks like a Las Vegas brothel over there." But I will NOT get my tinsel in a tangle over it. 

Speaking of John, he wondered why little kids never have eyebrows, probably because his granddaughters are redheads and blondes. So, I showed him this photo of Little Guy who has very bold eyebrows to go with his beautiful brown eyes and long eyelashes. My eyebrows used to look like this too until I started waxing them; I wish I'd never done that. 

John has decided not to decorate for Christmas but has asked to help me with my tree. He'll come down some time this next week; we'll head up to the local hardware store to pick out a 3-foot Noble Fir. Then we or he will put it in the stand and string the lights. I'm hoping that he'll also deal with the train since I'm not spatial enough to do the tracks. I think it's an ideal adaption for both of us: I won't struggle and weep/swear over tree frustrations (shims! tangled lights!) and he'll enjoy just enough of the spirit of Christmas without having to deck his own halls. Afterward I'll treat him to dinner out as a thank you for installing my two light fixtures, which look fabulous by the way. 

Incidentally, there will be no tinsel. I've turned into my mother. 

Codex Vitae

I recently encountered this term in a comment on a friend's blog post; I was immediately attracted to it. We language people revel in expressions and words: their construction, their nuances, and their usage. Technically, it's a Book of Life, which is much like a blog. Unlike a book though, a blog is constantly morphing as the author grows and changes. When I look back years (or even decades), I'm bemused by some of my posts and occasionally horrified. Once in a while, I'm so embarrassed that I think about deleting that entry. Yet I'm also overjoyed to have this record of the past twenty years. Speaking of sagas, I've finally finished "The Covenant of Water." It's definitely not "Cutting for Stone" which I loved. I'm still processing what I would rate it. Overall, I was disappointed and underwhelmed in spite of some gorgeous passages and fascinating Indian historical and cultural information. However, in the spirit of my mundane blog about my mostly ordinary life, this is much more my style...

I've gradually been putting out more decorations. This one is a particular favorite of Mari's. Just kidding! A friend made me this festive version of her, and I make sure to display it prominently. :) She really can't help her resting b*tch face. 

What's a blog post without a discussion of the weather? It's been VERY cold (for us) although clear and sunny with some fog thrown in. We need precipitation, especially mountain snow! Today when I went for my mammogram, the parking lot was so icy that I slipped and nearly fell. A kind person stopped her car to make sure I was OK. When I made it inside the facility, I innocently asked if they were trying to drum up business or something. (it's an x-ray place as well)

I have two rooms in my house (the laundry room and the bonus room) with these hideous 27-year-old construction grade light fixtures. Thanks to John, I will soon upgrade to these beauties!

The fancier one is for the bonus room--why spend $105 for a fixture in the laundry room? I'm sure I've mentioned that John was an electronics tech at Boeing (worked on the cruise missile program) so he can easily do all this kind of stuff whereas I can analyze French and English literature and conjugate the subjunctive. My talents and $6 will buy me a mocha at Sbux. Sigh. 

The Littles seem to be enjoying the holiday season and each other. Littler Guy is toddling around and falling; it warms my heart to see his older brother rush up to him with a comforting hug. Incredibly sweet. Note: they are not always pals though. Littler Guy is into biting now that he has four teeth. Plus, Little Guy doesn't like sharing his toys or having his elaborate construction projects destroyed by a quick and grabby 1 year old.

Tiny One continues to delight me with his smiles! When I posted this photo on Facebook, many commenters thought he resembled me strongly. I don't see it--but TO does look like his mother who looks quite a bit like me. So, I could be wrong?

Actually, I see my late brother Doug (the baby) in TO's darling face. Doug was also blue eyed, fair skinned and blondish. With NOT much hair! 

This reminds me that there are many reasons for the season. And that we can celebrate all of them... or none. 

 

 

 

 

 

Fir Family

The Pacific Northwest is full of firs which makes finding an Xmas tree an easy although not inexpensive task. Some years my late husband and I bought a cheap permit and went up into the mountains to cut our own. I didn't particularly care for the cold or snow though; when the daughters came along no one could agree on the style tree we preferred. Bushy or layered? Bluish or deep green? Triangular shaped or conical? This year Older Daughter and family ended up with this Grand Fir, an incredibly symmetrical tree and lovingly decorated by all but the 1-year-old. He was busy un-decorating it. Do you see the section that is full of ornaments, including a train? That was Little Guy's contribution! I'm relieved that I'm not bringing home my 3-foot Noble FIR until next week. Not only am I not in the mood, but John has a Man Cold, plus I have several appointments. Tiny One's relatively worthless father is also ill with something, so Younger Daughter needs more assistance than normal. Sigh. 

Tiny One was a very smiley and talkative guy for my visit, but a bit camera shy. Doesn't he look like he's wearing a glowing fez on his head?

He's doing so well with tummy time and is actually growing some hair. Finally! I know it still looks a bit like 5 o'clock shadow; it is progress though. :)

I was excited to get this warm weather suit for TO, then disappointed when it looked much thicker and better quality online than in real life. I should have known better, right? On the appointment front: My mammogram, which terrifies me every year. I used to be nonchalant about screening tests until so many people I know/love have been diagnosed with cancer. My crown: Because I have some sensitivity to cold on that tooth, I will now need a root canal, my first one. I've taken good care of my teeth (mostly) but I should have listened to my dentist Grandpa when he yelled at me about NOT chewing ice or old maids. (unpopped popcorn kernels-do people still call them that?) Now that my teeth have aged along with the rest of me, a couple molars have developed cracks. :( Tree Trimming: the trimmers are coming Friday to work on several trees in my yard and my neighbor's. So, I'll have to hang around here to spy on watch them, just to make sure they don't drop any big limbs on my house or 27-year-old fence. All in all, I'm not much looking forward to this week. Yet although I've been frequently saddened by the news, including the death of our dear Steve Pool, weather forecaster extraordinaire, I've also been uplifted by this story about our local zoo. And I still have some left-over pecan pie in the fridge... 

 

 

The Ghosts of Xmas Past

When every decoration is a memory and a reminder, it becomes emotionally tough to decorate for the upcoming holiday season. As many of you already know, my late husband told me he had cancer while putting up the Christmas tree 13 years ago. He died nearly two years later on December 4th. Our wedding anniversary is December 15th and we met at a New Year's Eve Party in 1979. My only aunt and a beloved great-aunt died on Christmas Eve. Does that explain why I'm often reluctant to dig out the holiday boxes?

This was almost the year that I threw out the broken Santa. He falls forward because his boots have come unglued from the base; over the years, he's broken his arm, lost his glasses, and gotten ever so slightly shabby. But my late husband brought him home (against my wishes!) over 30 years ago and our young daughters were delighted with him. I just could NOT put him in the garbage.

I got him standing with some gorilla tape under the front of his boots, then disguised my repair with the tacky colored Christmas trees I bought on a price break at Rite Aid. Also, he used to move his arms with the light on, but now he's noisy and shaky. Like the rest of us oldsters? 

They continued to love this Santa even when we moved to our "new" house 27 years ago. 

Soon I'll be dealing with the dreaded tree, although a mere three-footer versus this ten-footer; it's still tricky getting it in the stand straight (tears), putting the lights on (swearing) and installing one of my husband's trains around it (spatially challenged) Note: When my husband brought this behemoth home, he almost had to sleep outside for the rest of December. We needed a ladder to decorate it! 

The key can be to take the old traditions and change them up. So, these God Jul figures that my parents bought me in Norway (Sweden?) many years ago are now on the mantel instead of on the piano. They remind me that I would love to visit Scandinavia someday although the number of faraway places I want to fly to has dramatically shrunk. It's not very enticing to spend that much time away from my mother, my daughters and my grandsons. And John, who has no interest in traveling abroad. 

I haven't had my German carolers out for many years because my mantel was too crowded. Now that it's not...what a perfect place for this lovely group, a special gift from a dear friend! 

In this shot, I'm the Ghost of a former violinist who wanted to try out her niece's 1/2 size violin on Thanksgiving. When I noticed that John was surreptitiously filming me, I did an excellent Harry Potter imitation, pointing my wand bow at him, complete with the Evil Eye. I would still be fairly decent if I remembered where the notes were on the violin. However, it's been over 50 years since I last played, thus I'm a TEENY bit rusty. :)

 

Posting Post and Pre Holiday(s)

Black Friday, really? I've had a couple people ask me if I participate. Although I bite my tongue, I want to ask, "ARE YOU CRAZY?" (or do you think I am?) The closest I come is this...

My house has a number of narrow window seats for Mari. After all, she has to "guard" our property from birds, other cats and strange people. ;)

Post-Thanksgiving and pre-Xmas, I live by this philosophy. Yesterday I enjoyed time with John's family: scrumptious breakfast burritos, dressing, and macaroni and cheese. I eschewed the ham and desserts; I dislike ham and am not a fan of brownies in the morning or really any time. Weird, I know. Also, after telling people that I'd never heard of mac and cheese as a side dish for Thanksgiving, I ate it TWICE yesterday. In the evening, John and I picked up my mom and went to my brother's for a more traditional dinner. That meant that the turkey wouldn't cook, so we ate it last; no one liked the pecan pie I brought except me and John thought the lemon meringue pie was way too sour. Note: I don't touch lemon meringue pie because I don't do meringue. I also got to do lots of baby holding (too much?); as my daughter said, "Mom, you need to let others hold him, even if he cries." But I can't stand it! 

Sandwiched between the major events was a stop by Older Daughter's full house where I was treated to lovies from Little and Littler Guy, hugs from their California cousins and their parents and a pout from Little Guy when he realized that John and I weren't staying. Here I'm saying, "Awww!"

Awww again, aren't they sweet? (heart melting)

Also during our afternoon break between the Thanksgiving festivities, I went for a long walk while John took a nap in my recliner. That kind of describes one of our major differences. :)

I felt major nostalgia looking at this photo of my retirement party with Younger Daughter and K. That was in 2017 but it seems like a lifetime ago. I miss him and the way life was. Perhaps it's more how I thought it was, rather than the reality? Things I currently don't want to discuss: YD's current whatever-he-is, the Seattle Seahawks football team, Christmas plans (completely up in the air due to family drama) and anything related to shopping or decorating. Let me digest my Thanksgiving meal first! 

 

Photo Cornucopia

Back when my whole family was together, Thanksgiving was my favorite holiday; it includes many of my favorite foods with none of the X-mas pressure of gift giving and decorating. Turkey along with gravy and stuffing, green beans (not the casserole), green salad and small slices of pumpkin and pecan pies would be my ideal meal. If you tried to put mashed potatoes (squishy texture) or candied yams (too sweet!) on my plate, I would recoil in horror. Something weird about me is that I hate the feeling of being full, so I never overeat on Thanksgiving. I simply have a regular meal with small to reasonable portions. If I have seconds, it's usually on the vegetables. Am I a healthy eater? Umm, not really. Like my late father, I have a voracious sweet tooth. As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, my appreciation for Thanksgiving is tempered by the reality that for most of our adult lives, my family hasn't been together for the holiday; there have been far away colleges, years living abroad in South Korea and Senegal and boyfriend/husband get togethers. This year I'll celebrate with my brother, sister-in-law and their family, plus my mother, younger daughter and John. I'll avoid looking at their Trump mug or listening to the lengthy prayer that my brother intones before we eat. Their house, their rules. Keep your mouth shut, Margaret. 

As John prepares for his mom's memorial service, he's finding all sorts of interesting photos of her, like this one with her parents and siblings. In this group, there are two registered nurses (John's mom, in blue, was a labor and delivery nurse), a couple counselors/therapists, a priest and a nun. I still think that John resembles his uncle Father Jonathan quite strongly! 

Younger Daughter got the opportunity to hike up to a hot springs with her friend S.; I was delighted that she connected with S. and spent the whole day doing something they both love. The baby's daddy took care of him all day, which was shocking. YD claims that she didn't pay him to "babysit" although who really knows? She could tell how angry I was the last time...And in a strange twist of fate/coincidence, with the hundreds of hiking trails up by the mountain, the two of them ran into YD's ex-boyfriend, K. I was 100% on Team K. and they were together for 6 years or so. I had high hopes for their future together, soon dashed by some atrocious decisions and life choices by YD. Sigh.

Although the photo is blurry, you can see how fast my 4-month-old snuggle bug is growing up. Aren't his round cheeks delectable? I can't resist kissing them! 

Since I forgot my cell phone at home (a blessing in disguise), I couldn't take any photos of Littler Guy's Hungry Caterpillar decorations. So, here they are, better late than never, thanks to my son-in-law. Older Daughter is creative and artistic, and I will reiterate: she didn't get it from me! 

On my walks, I continue to enjoy the sky and the colorful leaves, enhanced by some sunshine. Perfect outdoor weather! I find nature such a panacea for what ails us in body and spirit. 

photo credit: Vicki Michel

According to what I see on Facebook, I'm getting up too late in the morning; the sunrises have been glorious. This shot is from a friend's house; she has such a spectacular view. I have to walk about 10 minutes or drive two minutes to capture this kind of shot, not what I want to do early on a chilly morning. Still, I'm thankful to live in such a gorgeous place. 

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words but to live by them.” -John F. Kennedy

No matter what you do or where you go (or don't go), I hope you find much to appreciate and can give many thanks for what you have and who you are. I'm extremely grateful for all of you, dear blog friends. 

HBD

Our charming little sweetheart (not so little) just turned one! His grandparents flew in from Iowa, my daughter came up with a very creative Hungry Caterpillar party, and we enjoyed a small gathering on what was actually his dad's birthday. Confusing, eh? My son-in-law is a no-fuss, holiday avoidant person, so having a get together for his son worked out perfectly for him with the focus on our one-year-old instead of him. :)

It was a modified approach to what the Hungry Caterpillar ate, including a rich chocolate cake and banana cupcakes, everything from scratch. Those lettuce wraps were scrumptious! Have I mentioned that Older Daughter is an excellent cook? 

I loved my hugs from both boys! Although I could have dressed up more, I wanted to wear my Washington Huskies sweatshirt for luck; they barely scraped out a win (22-20) to go 11-0. I don't follow the team like I used to when I was younger though. And the whole Pac-12 debacle leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

Otherwise, the weather has been decent with snowy mountains to admire, lots of winterizing in my yard, the inevitable laundry, and family stuff, both good and bad.

Even a cloudy Washington day has much to recommend it.

It does mirror life, doesn't it? I try to appreciate the design even when the clouds bring rain. One of these days, I'm going to be looking up and trip over something. Note to self: Take pictures from the grass and not the pavement. 

Tiny One is getting so chunky and expressive. I spend as much time with him as possible to try to make up for his absent relatives. It's such a delight to watch him develop! Their loss...but also his. 

Carol is adjusting but she's still not his biggest fan. 

Small pleasure of the week: New flannel sheets from Costco. They're the softest sheets I've ever had and are so cozy and comfortable. I highly recommend them!

 


And today is magnificent although quite windy, not the best for my coiffure. ;)

As The World Turns

We've had some lovely fall days--the kind I like with sun, crisp temperatures and blue sky. 

However, clouds are also gorgeous and atmospheric, aren't they? I understand that many people value clear blue skies, but as a life-long Washingtonian, I've come to appreciate this kind of artistry in the sky. 

Mari loves basking by the fire when the mornings are cold. Usually, she would be in my lap on the recliner, "helping" me with my word and geography puzzles. Without her company though, I got wordle today in TWO, a rare feat. I also achieved a 52 in Octordle sequence, also an excellent score. Perhaps she's actually bad luck?

I swear it wasn't revenge, but she did have her annual checkup at the vet this morning too. You can tell she's thrilled, right? She was a good patient and is normal weight with beautiful teeth and hair, according to the doctor. Tiny One had his 4-month appointment at nearly the same time; the pediatrician thinks he looks perfect. I finally had the courage to look up "4 Month Milestones" on the internet and TO does appear to be on track. Fingers crossed that it continues! Otherwise, I have coffee dates and time with both daughters planned--with a bit of babysitting thrown in. I do prefer this boring life although I hold out little hope that it will be permanent, considering the sometimes soap opera events in my life. Because...people. Sigh. 

In the Wrong

Let's get this out of the way: John's younger daughter did invite him to a Thanksgiving breakfast to which I'm also welcome. And of course, we're going since breakfast is my favorite meal. I hope there'll be eggs! Anyway, I owe her an apology for yesterday's rant although most of it is still accurate, unfortunately. 

Something that I am correct about? Tiny One is not so tiny: 14 pounds 11 ounces and 23.7 inches, in the 33% percentile range. For regular babies! I've also been vindicated about his NI (narcissistic idiot) father who charged my daughter $22 the other evening to help her get bottles ready for HIS son since it took away from his Door Dash profits. Then he went immediately up to the smoke shop to buy cigarettes. He also hasn't been around for four long days. :( Needless to say, I went ballistic over this. I'm angry at Younger Daughter too who enables this kind of atrocity. On a positive note, this baby has great eye contact, smiles a lot, giggles and enjoys playing. However, Carol the Cat isn't quite sure what to think of him. 

Today was a sunny day; I enjoyed a coffee and chat with a friend and walked outside to this. The sky really was this color which is something I love about fall and winter. And the mountain was gorgeous although I captured no photo of her snowy beauty. Don't worry...I have approximately 100,000 pictures of her. 

My walk was invigorating but when will I learn to wear gloves?

Because I've grown up in the area that this company services, I've always referred to them as Honey Buckets. That's gotten me some incredulous looks when I've traveled to other places. :) What do you call them where you're from? 

Famdamnalies

Did I just make up a word--or perhaps misspell it? Anyway, can you understand the gist of my title? Families are lovely, but sometimes, dammit. (excuse my language) John is more stressed than I've ever seen him between clearing out his mom's house which he's started doing with no help from the rest of his family and trying to plan his mom and late brother's J's memorial service with his younger brother, D. D. is seeking to control the "show"--wanting $800 for flowers (lots of white roses), choosing the locale, his fundamentalist church, and his minister to speak (among many others), inviting a multitude of people who didn't know their mother at all, etc. John dislikes ceremonies, memorials, expensive flowers, splashy catering, emotional speeches and fundamentalist churches in general. So, it's going to be TOUGH on him in a multitude of ways. Then there's Thanksgiving which his local daughter hasn't mentioned at all; are they dining with her husband's family or John's ex-wife? Considering how much John has fixed and helped out at their house and all his free babysitting, shouldn't they either invite him or at least tell him what their plans are, so he can decide what he's doing? John's not a big holiday guy and may choose to stay home anyway, although my sister-in-law and brother have included him in our festivities. In my world, Christmas is looming large and will be complicated for reasons I don't discuss on the blog. Just know that my heart will be hurting even more than it usually does in December. Will I still celebrate and try to make merry? Of course. Will I also be weepy and nostalgic? Damn right. 

There are many birthdays this week in my family. This 4-month-old sweetie got evaluated again by the occupational therapist and is doing great according to her. When I asked whether he was on track developmentally for a regular baby or just for a preemie, she exclaimed (!) that he's progressing normally for ANY 4-month-old. Whew. I happened to be there at the appointment because baby's father has been a no-show, no-help, nothing-but-criticism, blaming everyone except himself, self-centered, narcissistic idiot. Have I made my feelings clear? Younger Daughter has many strikes against her, some of her own making, but she is trying to manage, while doing 99% of the baby care, housework, bottle preparation, grocery shopping and 100% of the financial support of her child and household. She would be the first to admit that she's made many mistakes and needs to work on herself, and I would agree wholeheartedly. NI (narcissistic idiot) and his parents have chosen not to spend time with this precious little boy or help out with his needs. Yet they claim to be big on Family. Yeah, right! 

On the plus side, I was grateful that there was still fall color to admire.

I was also delighted to see most of the mountain out on this cloudy day.

Today was rushed between babysitting for a job interview for Younger Daughter and a later dental appointment due to a suspected cracked tooth. Thankfully, the dentist could put on a temporary crown this afternoon which saved me another trip to her office. Even though I look like I've had a stroke and can't easily eat or drink, it'll be a relief to be able to chew on that side without pain. So, the day wasn't a complete downer, was it?