Short and sweet

First there was the family going away party last night--lots of laughs, great Thai food and a few tears.
It didn't seem real to me though that we'd be getting up at 4:30 this morning to drive to the airport, where she would then leave for 5 months in Senegal. Do you know that traffic is still awful around here, even at 5 a.m.? And you can probably predict what I thought or how I felt when I saw that it was SNOWING!
Pretend you don't notice the woman in the bumblebee coat--the one who didn't shower, put on make-up or even comb her hair. Ashley wanted us in the airport with her; she hates them because they confuse and scare her. So, we shared a coffee and chat right near to the security lines, and at about 7 (for a 7:50 flight), she figured she'd better start her trek to the "other side." You know, the place we couldn't go.
Here she is, feeling very stressed and nervous. I tried to be upbeat and not TOO weepy, until she walked away of course. She was most worried about her carefully packed carry on; as a shy, conscientious person, she has a horror of getting "in trouble." So, sure enough, her bag got tagged to be searched. It was such a helpless feeling to watch her across all the barriers and know, as only a mother can, how frustrated and embarrassed she felt. If it wouldn't have gotten me arrested, I would have jumped into the secure area and ripped someone's face off. I guess it's healthy to let go, but it sure feels like CRAP.
After watching her (finally) get her bag and disappear FROM SIGHT, I had a bit of a weep fest--which continued over snowy roads, icy hills and a nasty encounter with the streets around my house. (on 3 1/2 hours of sleep!) Right now, she is about 4 1/2 hours away from Dakar, hurtling along at 610 mph at 36.000 feet in an Airbus 343. Of all the difficult things I've had to do as a parent, seeing her walk away by herself into this unknown world ranks right up there as possibly number one.