Starting back to school with our prep days has been a revelation. People told me that I would sense when it was time to retire; last year I was agonized and too torn about the decision, but this year it's pretty obvious to me that I no longer want to do the following: schlep hundreds of new books to my class with the evil hand truck and then cart them around manually, try to find spots in my room for 39 students, avoid strangling a VERY annoying co-worker, get no support from the district about auxiliary materials for the new text(CDs and DVDs), write four different bell schedules on the board(with others that I haven't gotten to yet), etc. Will I thrive in retirement or will I be bored and depressed? As with any new experience, I will have to figure that out when I get there! I know there will be much I will miss about my job and the people(oh, some of the magnificent people!) but it's time to explore other avenues. I'm already thinking that next September I want to be on my way to Ireland and Scotland for a trip! It's also become clear(er) to me that with relationships, we have to truly accept where and who each person is in the grief process, parenting journey, feelings/emotions,etc. That's easy to say, and yet difficult to do. If I can't do so, then I need to let go. Not necessarily of Henry, but of my expectations. I have a wonderful time with him, and enjoy his company, his conversation, his hugs and his laughter. He definitely wants a bit more space in our relationship than I do, so it's HARD. But again, it's reasonably clear to me that I want to be with him at present, no matter the struggles. That could all change down the road...but I have to live right now, in the moment. Dinner with him last night was wonderful, and tomorrow we're supposed to go see the Obama movie, then have dinner in Tacoma. I can never quite count on him(his daughters, you know) or plan 100%, but I THINK he's trying to be with me, while juggling his parenting duties. I will repeat: it's complicated, sometimes painful, yet typical of relationships, perhaps life in general. I'm sure you've all heard the trite, but appropriate saying, "It is what it is." I either deal with it, or give up on it, which I'm not ready to do. In other news, a weird thing that has happened recently is that I "discovered" instagram. I've been a member for a long time, and follow tons of people, but I didn't realize that it is sometimes a treasure trove of photos. Ashley hates dislikes Facebook, yet her instagram is full of beautiful, interesting pictures.

This photo blew me away! Two goats are battling on a huge baobab tree!

This view of Ziguinchor reminded me of my trip there last year at the end of September. I'm not saying that it made me want to go back, although I certainly felt quite nostalgic. My longing was not for the sweating, discomfort, lack of power, flooding, riding on scary motorcycles, etc. but for the adventures and memories with Ashley. By the way, if you're interested in why she seems to always be in Senegal, check this out. Make sure to click on her name so you can see some of her amazing cartoons! :) Do I want to start work next Tuesday? No, but I'll find the positives, while filing my retirement paperwork and hoping for more adventures in exploring the world and myself. Clarity doesn't make the decisions easier, you know, just more defined, yet also full of both exciting and terrifying possibilities. 60 is apparently the new 18! :)
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