My people

This is my tribe, who supports me in all things and loves me without boundaries:

• I cherish those who have called or texted to check up on me, even though in some cases they are going through much more serious stuff than a romantic breakup. That includes troubling medical issues, an elderly and infirm parent moved into the house, and other problems that I can't talk about here.
• I am overcome by people who were blog acquaintances, yet have become real friends. They constantly show support and love, not just through Facebook messenger, but also by holding my hands when I cried in a California restaurant. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Liora and Craig.
•  I can't get over my daughters, so adult and mature, who are always there for me, and do their best not to judge my path or decisions. Patt and I did well rearing them, and I'm proud of the kind and loving people they are. Many of you try not to criticize either; you won't demonize Henry or try to tell me that there are lots of Henrys for me to date. Honestly, there is only one Henry, and I care about him a lot. As his friend I'm extremely worried about him, and want him to be well and happy, no matter what that means for me. However, if it isn't meant to work, I will realize it, and act accordingly. Right now, please let me grieve what I thought was a lasting relationship.
• I adore my blog readers, some of whom have never met me, who give me virtual hugs, and prop me up with kindness and wisdom. xoxo
• I so appreciate those who have invited me out for coffee, movies, or other activities that remind me that I am loved. I do need to keep as busy as possible right now! 
• Finally, I was very excited to be with Henry at Ashley's September wedding, to hold his hand, and dance with him. Now that it isn't possible (or likely?), I'm distraught about that as well. It was my dream, and I so wanted it to come true. But we don't always realize our dreams, you know, because sometimes they are just wishful thinking. 
• 
• I find wisdom wherever I can, even from my Mountain Men of Alaska calendar. I can't run up and down a mountain, like this guy did. Most of us have small "mountains" to climb, many of them non-physical. I've certainly known the realities of plunging from the extreme highs to the depths of despair. I will keep running toward the good, reach for the heights, and remember to frolic. And I'll continue to hope to be loved by all! :)
• Addendum: In a strange twist of fate today, I was meeting some former colleagues for coffee; when I pulled into the Sbux parking lot, I spotted a familiar looking blue Ram pick up. Surely that couldn't be Henry, I thought. But it was him, and besides being awkward and me being nervous, I got the chance to talk to him extensively before my friends got there. Are we together? No. Might we be in the future? Hard to say. Am I glad about telling him how I feel and how thankful I am for our 2+ years, even though I wanted much longer? Definitely! Do I wish him much happiness, no matter what? Sort of. Of course, I would like to remain part of his life, but that might not be in the cards. However, it is always better to have closure, isn't it? Yet I've felt shaky, sick and sad the whole rest of the day. Sigh.

Comments

[Ally Bean]

You've got a good tribe there. And what a wonderful way to start a new month, with a tribute to those people who are there for you? Gratitude is good. Hoping that July treats you better than June.

[Pam]

Oh, I haven't been around much in Blogland in the last week or two, but you certainly have! Much sympathy. I too hope that July is better. June sounds fairly rubbish for you, but onwards and upwards and all that. xx

[Liora]

You've got a good tribe, but you've earned it through being a good friend to your friends as well. It's been a blessing and a joy to get to know you, Margaret. May we have many more lunches and get togethers. I wish we lived closer. Maybe someday...

[Kathy]

Oh darn it I started to comment and then my new iPad, which I haven’t made friends with yet, ate it. I just read your entries for the last month, and I am so sorry that Henry has done his disappearing act yet again. That must suck something awful. Glad you ran into him, though, and had a chance to talk to him abou it. And... I had to laugh at your description in a previous post of the guys on the dating services - I used to be amused and grossed out by all the shirtless pix in front of the bathroom mirror. As if to say, “Just want you to know I’m only here for the sex.” Hang in there, Margaret. I seem to recall that a year post-retirement I still flailed sometimes, too. It gets better.

[WanderingCyberspace]

We both have a wedding on the horizon--my daughter is getting married in less than 3 weeks. I'm heading back to Ohio to spend the weekend with my ex husband, my ex inlaws and all of those ex friends who I lost in the divorce. I'm not gonna lie I'm not real excited at the prospect and overwhelming sense of "this is going to be tough" type of feelings I am having. I'm going to do what I'm asked, try not to cause any ripples and hope that the little bit of pink that's still in my hair will not push the people who knew me when over the edge.

...and so what if it does? :)

[Margaret]

It sounds hellish to me! What an ordeal. Ugh. The issue for me is that Henry lives about 7 minutes from me, so I will probably run into him again. If/when we start dating other people, we'll probably frequent some of the same places since we have our favorites in the area. But I think what you are facing is worse, although not as recurring. Courage!! Pink hair, you rock!

[Tonya]

I'm just flummoxed and bitterly sad about all of this.

[Pam J.]

Henry. I don't know what to think about him. I was dropped suddenly by a boyfriend, ie, ghosted -- when we were both 19. But most responsible adults, those over 50, generally behave less like 19-year-olds. I guess the operative words are "most" and "generally." If depression is truly the cause of his behavior -- the ghosting I mean -- he's got a bad case. But cowardice seems like a possible diagnosis. Even good people can be cowards. I wish I had magic words to help you get him out of your head. Here's a weak suggestion: write a novel. Or a novella, or a short story. Anything with a narrative. You're a good writer, you have (amazing) discipline about writing, you have ideas in your head. That's all it takes. The novel doesn't have to be about you or Henry. It just has to be something that is an ongoing project that has the potential to fill your head.

Does Henry read your blog or even know it exists? If so, and if he reads this, grow up Henry. Be a man. Be a human being.

[Marie K]

It is crummy when you've done nothing wrong. I'm glad you got a chance to talk in person. Hugs again!
P.S. I can do coffee tomorrow or Thursday if you're free...