These are random bits of Margaret "wisdom," in no specific order...
- As the saying goes, the only way out is through. I've learned that grief is a definite process; sadly, there are no shortcuts. Although I knew that Patt was dying and should have been prepared, it didn't lessen my pain at losing him. In spite of Henry's issues, I struggled through a different (but also agonizing) grief journey. Recovering had little to do with meeting John (a huge bonus!) but was more related to time, tears, deep thinking, and the support of many loved ones who listened, listened and then listened some more. In Blogland too, my friends stood figuratively by my side, sending me messages of love, sometimes much needed tough love, and making sure that I recognized my own worth.
- On a related note, caring and connection can grow as you spend more time with a person. That has been a gift with John. I was very unsure of the relationship at first because I did meet him too soon after Henry. I was aloof and insecure, and not sure that I was being fair to him or to myself. I'm happy (embarrassed?) to tell you that I've turned back into the human Golden Retriever, affectionate and excited for each new adventure!
- A month from today I leave for Iowa, where I will probably die from the heat. I'm a Washingtonian, so high 90s and 100s are not my style. However, I've learned to take some risks, and to remain open to interesting opportunities. Ashley and Ryan will be there, as well as Ryan's parents, who live in Ottumwa. We'll attend this concert the evening I get there (never heard of this guy, have you?), attend the Iowa State Fair with its full size cow made out of butter, and even go to goat yoga. Ashley discovered that she could buy tickets to the yoga class from Senegal, and I thought, "Why not?" Now I'm wondering what one wears to goat yoga. ;) It'll be fun, right?
- I've learned that it's never easy to say goodbye. Alison leaves for Ohio on July 26th; they qualified for the house they wanted to rent in a little town an hour away from Cincinnati. She seems happy about it, whereas I'm mopey. When I saw her new address 1,900 miles away from here, I couldn't stop tearing up. But this is part of her journey, possibly just a bumpy detour. I've been on a few of those myself, so who am I to judge her path?
- This was my sister-in-law's 40th birthday party(my parents are in the second row, far right), but I couldn't be there since I'd already committed to John's family get together. I felt a little guilty about this, although it was my only chance to meet his older daughter, her husband and their two foster daughters.I've learned the hard way that I have to make choices, and that sometimes that means self-care, not just doing what is expected. As a first born child, I've tended to be overly dutiful and self-sacrificing. I had a wonderful time meeting people who are important to John, all of whom were close friends with his late wife, Christine. It could have been awkward, yet they were so welcoming, and excited to get to know me. They seem delighted to see John happy again! As well as learning to let go, I'm reluctantly learning that change is inevitable and that if I intend to find contentment, I'll need to accept that fact and roll with it. However, I also give myself permission to rail against it at times because that's how I am. :)
