Stargazer: Darkness

December 11, 2019

Darkness

I've turned down two social events in the past two days. I haven't texted John, although he has communicated with me, and I've responded. None of this is like me, but December seems to ritually affect me with its memories of loss, and anniversaries of better times. Every year I fight the melancholy, yet the grayness and darkness of the weather and the incessant pressure to shop, be merry, and celebrate make me feel like the proverbial fish out of water. Or the Grinch out of his cave? I'm delighted that my girls are coming home, I'm pleased with my decorations, and I'm looking forward to baking, board games, and sitting around chatting with drinks. (in pregnant Ashley's case, sparking cider!) However, it's probably not positive that I've withdrawn a bit from the world. I've watched this powerful, but depressing film on Netflix, I've been reading this and this, I've hung out with my cat. It's normal to isolate when you're depressed, right? I will work through this, I will.

Alison took this mind boggling photo at Lake Serene, and the reflections are incredible! Thus, I will reflect...

I will try to let go of people, like Alison's ex-boyfriend Kramer, whom I really liked and trusted.

I will remember my marriage with love, yet also need to let go of it and him, although the memories will always be precious. This photo was taken December 15, 1984. We had met for the first time December 31, 1979. He died on December 4, 2012. Can you see why December is such a difficult month for me? We all have tough times, and I WILL get through mine. xoxo

December 11, 2019 | Permalink

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