Stargazer

Rhetorical

A friend's loss of her husband on Wednesday after a long and agonizing illness has made me reflect about timing, and about questions that can't ever be answered, only asked rhetorically. In both our cases, our husbands were no longer the people we had known and loved; they had degenerated mentally and physically, which is unpleasant and emotional to deal with. I often ask myself: Would I rather lose my mental or physical abilities if I had the choice? I watched the strongest man I know be brought to his knees by cancer; he understood what was happening and what was being taken away from him. It was excruciating to watch. After two years with it, he no longer wanted treatment, and was ready to leave this world, in spite of his love for his family and ours for him. During this time eight years ago, we were dealing with frequent flyer trips to the hospital, some unsupportive family members, and a whole lot of stress. Is it "better" to lose a loved one suddenly or have them linger? I've experienced both; abrupt deaths are much more difficult for the ones left, while the drawn out ones are much harder on the person dying. In the latter case, we had time to say our goodbyes and share poignant last moments. But are those worth the pain that he went through? I have no answers. 

My wedding anniversary is coming up, so I ask myself: Would I have retired if he were still alive? He left me quite a bit of money which allowed me to do so. Would we have traveled? He hated to fly, but liked road trips. Would we have bought that kayak we kept talking about right before he got sick? I don't know.

He changed a lot over the years, especially when he got cancer. Yet I'm not the same person I used to be either. He was the spontaneous one, now I've become more impulsive. He was calm and logical...and I'm STILL NOT. :) But I am more measured and take many more deep breaths and pauses before responding, instead of getting emotional or flying off the proverbial handle. My mom would have called me a definite "pepper pot." Now I'm just a little bit spicy!

In more mundane news, today was gorgeous, although very cold weather for raking(ugh) and a walk. I used no filters on this iPhone 7 photo! I'm always glad to see so many families out strolling instead of only the usual dog walkers and regular walkers. I enjoy exchanging far away greetings and smiles with friendly new people! I also ordered my chandeliers; companies make it way too easy to spend a LOT of money on-line. :) Tomorrow I'll go to my pharmacy to pick up my medicine because, although the bladder infection isn't worse, it also isn't improving. However, I'm apprehensive about taking an antibiotic since I haven't done so for decades. My younger daughter was horribly allergic to Augmentin as a baby which also makes me nervous. And I don't want to have diarrhea! TMI? Finally, if any of my pictures don't show up in this post, please let me know. Typepad is having chronic issues with photos these days, which is unacceptable for a paid service. Those of you recommending that I try Word Press need to know that suddenly it's monstrously difficult or sometimes impossible for me to comment on WP blogs. I've tried a few work arounds, but it has been frustrating. Especially with the pain of a bladder infection. Wahhh!! Is that music I hear the sound of the world's smallest violin? ;)

 

A "P" Post

It's never reassuring when your doctor personally calls your house at 8 a.m. the day after a major holiday. (which was quiet, as well as full of tasty food and precious time with my elderly parents) Unfortunately, I took no pictures of Thanksgiving 2020 which was very unlike me; it was mostly positive and I even dressed up in my "teacher clothes." :)  Thankfully, my 4 pound turkey turned out super well, although I wish I'd gotten regular dressing/stuffing instead of the cornbread kind. My free pecan pie was delicious, but not as tempting as these completely homemade ones...

P is for PIE. For most of my life, I thought I didn't like chocolate pie because the one that my mom traditionally made had Hershey's chocolate bars, whipped cream and melted marshmallows. I abhor marshmallows. However, one year, the girls and I made French silk pie and it melted in our mouths. I wish Alison's version were closer, so that I could eat this slice. It's not the healthiest pie, that's for sure! Or the least fattening. 

Ashley made this beautiful apple pie, also too far away for me to try a piece. Although I do like apple pie, I much prefer apple crisp. Anything with that crumbly brown sugar, butter and oatmeal topping is irresistible. :)

John's 92 year old mother wanted a pumpkin pie, but when he stopped by the store for groceries, there were none to be purchased. Thus, at the age of 66, John made his first pumpkin pie! 

P is also for playing around with photos. One of my goals is to put hardwood(probably the cheaper manufactured kind) in my upstairs hallway to create a transition between bedrooms.(and because that carpet is trashed) Of course, I would prefer that it blended well with my entryway (real) hardwood. I had loads of fun playing around with different colors and grains on the flooring websites! This Brazilian cherry is the closest. That's quite logical since my entryway is kempas, which is Indonesian cherry. I'm hoping this next stage of remodeling goes well, or at least OK. Or doesn't drive me utterly crazy? Now in the not so positive news, here's some TMI about my health. Last week I realized that I had a bladder infection; it wasn't excruciating except for one sleepless night when I was up about every 15 minutes. It's been more nagging than anything else, but with Thanksgiving coming up, I was afraid it would worsen and I'd be stuck. So, early this week, I reluctantly went to the doctor where, after a urine test, he informed me that I didn't really have the numbers for a bladder infection; he did prescribe some kind of antibiotic that works only on the urine just in case. This morning he called to tell me that YES, I do have a bladder infection but it's a very resistant kind of bacteria, so I probably need real antibiotics. (Augmentin) And oh, by the way, am I prone to yeast infections? (no clue) Doctor: Well, here's another prescription for that. Also, augmentin often causes diarrhea." (great) Thus, my "P" post is literally about pee, the painful kind. I wish it weren't. I prefer to write about pie. :(

 

 

Thursday Thanks

As this holiday rolls around every year, and I read people's sometimes overwrought Facebook posts about thankfulness, I tend to go deeper into my hibernation. November is the month for that as the leaves fall away, the weather worsens and the pressures to be "merry" ramp up. The pandemic makes it much easier to avoid splashy celebrations though. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, but since they turned 18, it's been rare to have both daughters home for it. It was usually one or the other, or neither. Mostly it was because they were going to school far away, or living on a different continent. In 2012 Ashley surprised her dad (who was dying) by flying home from Los Angeles. Although he rarely cried, he sobbed when he saw her in the family room that morning. On another memorable occasion, he called to tell us that he was in the emergency room since he'd put his finger into a table saw. (never a dull moment!) In younger days, we spent our Thanksgivings at my late aunt's, where she invited too many people and wasn't organized enough to handle getting food to two or three tables, even with help. And if you were relegated to any other table but the Main (Important) one, your dinner was cold. I know this from experience. She refused our suggestions to have a buffet instead, and loved her spices...a bit too much for the rest of us. Now many of these people are gone, although I tend to reminisce about them a lot during the holiday season. 

This photo from Thanksgiving 2009 came through my Facebook feed. I love the look on my late husband's face!

From the 2015 FB memories were these pies that Ashley baked for her friends while living in Senegal. She cooked much better pies in that stone oven than I can with all the modern conveniences! Since the Senegalese don't celebrate Thanksgiving, they were intrigued by the food, especially the "orange pie" and enjoyed Ashley's modified meal(couldn't find turkey there) and the dancing afterward. It was her "thank you" to all the villagers who had supported and cared for her during her Fulbright year in Senegal. I was grateful to them too! 

Because I donated to a Crohn's fund raiser for a former student, I received this home made pecan pie, complete with a decorative ribbon. :) In spite of my obsession with the Great Bake Off shows, making pie crust is extremely frustrating for me. However, both my girls are excellent cooks and bakers. In fact, I saw a photo of Alison's French Silk pie on Instagram, and it made my mouth water. 

Yesterday I spent a long time looking for these keys. Why did I hang them up with the umbrella in the garage? No idea, except that my mind was on other things. Chandeliers perhaps?

After wasting too much time on the Lowes website, I discovered that Seattle Lighting had the best choices. I'm 90% sure I want this one for my entry, if I can find anyone to hang it. It weighs 25 pounds!

This smaller one will go in my dining room.

This sort of boring pendant chandelier should look decent in my kitchen nook, as long as it's not too big. I'm still agonizing about sizes! 

Even on a holiday, I don't take a vacation from walking. My mental health really needs the exercise these days. Older Daughter is concerned about me flying back to New York (with good reason), and is very emotional at the thought that I might get sick. She's wondering if I should cancel my trip, which I don't want to do at all! I had a weepy phone call with her yesterday, then later in the day, the $400 winter coat she had ordered was stolen off her porch. :( Sometimes it's hard work to be thankful, eh? Yet I'm definitely grateful for my blog, especially during these dreary pandemic times. I very much appreciate those of you who read and comment. I write mostly for myself, but value the connections I've made and the wisdom and kindness of my blog friends. 

"Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes.”
― Henry David Thoreau

 

Minutiae

Mari's mood is dire when the painters are around. Her eyes are shooting lasers. Today, they finished!

My small laundry room was not fun for two men to work in. I stayed FAR away. I'm delighted that my trim is re-caulked and repainted; my doors and jambs are also sparkling white. Plus, they vacuumed behind my washer and dryer, which was a nice bonus. 

Doesn't my repose gray look different in each room? I love that.

Today I went for a VERY WET walk. When I'm wearing this yellow rain slicker, it means real rain, and not drizzle or showers. As always, it felt great to be out, although I only saw one other walker, a guy in an equally hideous yellow plastic outfit. I admired his matching pants!

Don't tell Mari, but I'm not done re-doing my house, like a few improvements on the stairs, and new chandeliers. She is not going to appreciate that. Anyway, do you know how many ugly chandeliers there are on the Lowe's on-line site? Since I don't have a farmhouse (very in right now), many of the rustic ones would look incredibly stupid. I'm not at all crafty, but a few of the farm style ones I could probably put together in my garage with spare wood and a bare light bulb.

I have similar looking lights on the outside of my house. I don't like them there either, but my late husband picked them out and installed them. They're a bit too "Merry Olde England" for my taste. :)

Then there's this one that appears vaguely sci-fi. I saw many others that looked like fake electrons or hollow globes. They would have been great on the Starship Enterprise!

A $300+ lampshade? I think not. 

This chandelier elicited a major eye roll from me. If you have it in your house, I apologize for offending you, but what the...?

I sent this one to John, and he kind of liked it. We may have to break up. ;)

Lowes also offers a multitude of fancy chandeliers that belong in a French chateau or perhaps in a Las Vegas bordello? (but not in my humble abode) So far, the score is Chandeliers-1,000+ and frustrated Margaret-0. Speaking of John, his older daughter, her husband, his mother and their two foster children have Covid19. They think Luis' mom got infected at her rehab center after she had had surgery. It's worrisome because the virus is very unpredictable, and they're in El Paso which is struggling to find enough hospital beds and medical personnel for all its cases. :( So, send along good thoughts for them, OK? John was originally planning to drive down there for Thanksgiving, but is now grateful that he changed his mind due to their C19 numbers. Not that they're too much better here...

Things I've discovered

Since I'm semi-preparing for my trip back to a place where it can get cold, and even snowy(shiver!), I asked Older Daughter if I needed to buy some snow boots. Her response: "I don't know because I just wear my duck boots." Duck boots? So, off I went on line to google this interestingly named footwear, then headed over to a shoe ordering site, and voilà...

You would think that living in a rainy place, I would be familiar with these; I'm sure I've seen them around and found them hideous. (still do) But if they keep my feet warm and dry, well, QUACK, QUACK. ;) 

I took great pleasure in throwing away a couple of free 2020 calendars. Although I said good riddance, I don't really believe that this year was cursed. It's certainly contained its fair share of "curve balls" and disappointments. That's normal for most years, although the pandemic and the crazy election have definitely added enormous challenges and stresses. I didn't make the Rick Steves trip to Ireland this year that I was looking forward to. My cruise to Alaska got cancelled. However, my incredible grandson was born in 2020. I finally found reliable workmen to fix and paint my house, outside and in. My relationship with John has survived, although I wouldn't say it's thrived. Covid coiffure not withstanding, there have been beautiful moments and positives. 

I've learned to narrow my focus, and concentrate on what I can control and enjoy. I've tried not to wish away 2020 because it's time I'll never get back. 

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." Alfred D. Souza

 

 

 

 

T'was and Tis' the season

Photos from past holidays are fascinating and amusing to look at; there are stories about each one, some of them funny and others poignant. Everything is so different now. Sigh. The Memories feature is one of the (lately) few reasons why I stay on Facebook. This picture was from 1995, and Ashley was wearing the Thanksgiving outfit that she had picked out; adult Ashley now claims that the material looks like couch upholstery, and how could I have let her wear such an atrocity? :) 5 year old Alison, my willful child, also had a pretty dress for the holiday, but she insisted on wearing her Halloween costume again. I guess she loved being a princess. (or tormenting her mother?) You can see by her smirk that she won this "discussion." I REALLY had to pick my battles with her, and this wasn't worth fighting over. I laughed when this old photo came through my Facebook memories, although I wasn't laughing in 1995. 

I love the freshness of my new paint job, but now want a different dining room chandelier. When I see the piano, I also wish Alison were here instead of thousands of miles away. She has a gift for music and used to play numerous pieces completely from memory. One evening when my husband was close to dying and trying to rest, she was downstairs on the piano, and I started to call out to her to stop, but he said, "No, I want her to play. I want to listen to her." 

After I had redecorated, gotten rid of a few things, and destroyed a wreath by dropping it, I thought about the history of each one of my wall hangings. I bought the photos behind the recliner in Homer, Alaska where I had many adventures with my friend, Becky. The scenery was spectacular and we met some strange unique people. I found my second Mountain Men of Alaska calendar in a Homer hardware store. (another fascinating slice of Alaskan culture) Several of the paintings in these rooms are originals by my extremely artistic older daughter, and there are stories behind each one. 

I enjoyed my car coffee date today, and tried to "Carry the Merry." It was my first holiday cup of 2020! Do you remember the 2015 controversy over the Starbucks plain red cup and how it was anti-Christmas/Christian? I guess there were wackadoodles back then too, but possibly not as many as now? It definitely helped my not very festive mood to chat with a friend while sipping my grande non-fat 190 degree mocha with no whip or foam. Even if she's in her car and I'm in mine, we could still rant about politics and other frustrations, discuss our families, and talk about books... while showing off our Covid coiffures. ;) However, both of us were also keeping tabs on a sketchy guy wandering aimlessly around the parking lot with his back pack. He tried to climb a tree! 

I was very thankful for my high quality painter when I saw this striped house. Even I know that you have to brush between the siding, in particular when the original color was beige and now it's dark blue. Oops. 

This little guy brings me joy every day. Isn't he sweet? Too bad he's 2,800 miles away. But December is coming..

 

 

Grinchy

Since I don't feel like exposing myself to horrified anger and criticism on Facebook, I'm going to open up here in BlogWorld. Shocking to many people, I'm relieved (even delighted) that I won't be decorating for Christmas this year. I scroll past people's posts who have been listening to Christmas music since September and watch holiday films in July. Some have had their decorations up for nearly a month. I don't mock or judge, but stay quiet about my own Scrooge like personality. A friend, who shall remain anonymous for her own protection, shares my anti-celebratory attitude. She's not decorating either, and is also happy about that! If you've read my blog for long, you already know that December is a tough month for me. You've seen past photos of the snow globes that I enjoy putting out, and the cookies that I love to bake, especially if both my girls are home like they were in 2019. You've heard the stories of the 10 foot Christmas tree that nearly caused a divorce when our little girls had to stand on a ladder to decorate it. You've commiserated when I whined about trying to manage a three foot tree, cried about the difficulties of putting it in the stand(shims are a pain!) and ranted about my propensity to get tangled up in the Christmas lights. There was a reason why my late husband handled the tree! You've been sympathetic when I've agonized about gift giving; I'm terrible at choosing presents since I hate to shop and have few creative or useful ideas. In just about every way possible, 2020 is going to be a novel year. 

Yesterday my guy made bread, we watched the Seahawks win a very exciting game, and I discovered that in spite of his jolly demeanor, John is a Christmas Curmudgeon and would prefer to eschew gift giving. What a relief! 

John's homemade corn, potato and sausage chowder was also delicious! Although he's not sentimental, he does light candles for dinner and likes to use cloth napkins. We had the rest of my Nanaimo bars for dessert, which was a perfect amount of food. :)

 

My house is still a mess, but coming together nicely. I was grateful for the invitation to John's where nothing is torn apart. Plus, he has about a 100 foot TV for football watching. I'm exaggerating, but not by much!

Having an obsessively neat, professional and perfectionist painter is a real plus. Coming home to this was such a treat. Perhaps I should hire him to vacuum for me regularly? ;)

Re-hanging the paintings and decorations, as well as putting all the glassware back in the hutch, has earned me 16,000 Fitbit steps. That's the only positive I can think of. This was before I got started when I was still trying to convince myself that it wouldn't take that long or be as tedious as it turned out to be...

Mari has been extremely angry about the disruption to her schedule and the invasion of her space. However, her clueless owner stupidly left out some cheesy bagels, so she had a party. I'm sure she considers it payback, or Kitty Karma. 

It's still fall, y'all! 

 

 

Assumptions

Learning about people, places, lifestyles, and cultures is mostly why I read blogs. I love exploring our differences! It's still unbelievable to me that anyone would be interested in the trivia of my life, but I'm fascinated with others' daily routines, so why not? I'm not a mommy blogger, I don't post often about politics(more lately because I'm SO frustrated) and never put up tips for healthy living or give any other unwanted advice to my readers. I don't have a niche, and that's given me the freedom to be mostly open and often random in my posts. So, I can share a quote I found on a blog friend's post that really resonated with me. “...if people seem slightly stupid, they’re probably just stupid. But if they seem colossally and inexplicably stupid, you probably differ in some kind of basic assumption so fundamental that you didn’t realize you were assuming it, and should poke at the issue until you figure it out.” What then are my assumptions? 

Here are just a few: There are facts and truth, as well as blatantly obvious lies, and most fact checkers try to be accurate. Conspiracy theories make me laugh, so surely others find them equally ridiculous. (no?) A candidate who won the popular vote by 5.6 million and earned 306 electoral votes is the President-Elect and should be considered as such. It would be nearly impossible for so many states, including those with Republican governors and secretaries of state, to collude to steal the election. Incidentally, the Dems are way too fragmented and disorganized to EVER accomplish that sort of machination. The term "herding cats" comes to mind. Finally, it would involve a worldwide and inconceivable deception to invent the illness and death toll from Covid19; I've supposed that sane people would realize that the virus is dangerously real. Sigh. I could go on, but you get the idea. What are your assumptions?

This clutter and mess are hard for me to deal with, and will be even more difficult when the painters move into the kitchen and family room tomorrow. Those are my hang outs!

In fact, I did have to leave the house completely when they started taking down the blinds, and moving out the china hutch. I couldn't watch. Thankfully, the living room is now finished, the blinds reinstalled, and the furniture back where it belongs. One of the painters even vacuumed! I would have taken a photo, but the light was wrong. As for the new color, "repose gray" perfectly suits its ambiance; the shade is warm, yet so serene. I have no regrets. In very good news, my parents have decided not to celebrate Thanksgiving at my brother's. I assumed (wrongly) that it was because I'd convinced them about the potential dangers of socializing with a not very careful group; however, their change of mind was actually because I'll be gone for Christmas, thus they'll spend THAT holiday with my brother and his family. We all know what they say about "assuming." I'm finding that out the hard way in these troubled political and pandemic times. 

 

 

Misanthrope

It's been a rough two days around here for the cat and me. Mari despises everyone except me on principle, especially men she doesn't know. She even hates John who has tried to woo her for the past two years with cat treats. Although I call myself a "people person," the more foolishness I read on Facebook and on the news, the more misanthropic I become. It probably doesn't help to have the masked painters tramping around the house from promptly 7:30 a.m to late afternoon. They're amazingly neat and respectful, and are doing excellent work. But it's a weird dynamic to have your space invaded, isn't it?

The original color (from 24 years ago, don't judge!) is this unattractive yellowish off white. 

Quite a difference, eh? I'm intending to have this carpet ripped out, and hardwood put in the hallway. But I need to find a contractor first. 

I also want new carpet up the stairs and skirt boards installed as well. My late husband always promised me skirt boards, but he got sick before he could put them in. Oh, and I intend to have the caps replaced too. Why not? It's only money...

Once my other projects are finished (hopefully!), I'll need to pick out some new chandeliers. For 24 years I've called this entry one "The Big Pineapple." And not fondly either. However, I'm getting way ahead of myself since Mari and I still have 6 more days of painting h*ll adventures. 

 

 

Now that I'm not celebrating Christmas at home, I can admire(?) the neighbors' decorations without the pressure to do anything! Are inflatables back in? Oh, dear! Today my permanent crown went on; due to my issues with the local for the temporary, the dentist gave me only half of the medication. That meant that my lip is already back to normal instead of hurting for three days. Unfortunately, my creepy new symptom was that my right eye wasn't blinking normally. It was slowed down and sluggish. I kept trying to fast blink, and my eyes were completely off kilter. Has that ever happened to anyone else? Right now my comfort animal Mari is sitting on the arm of the recliner, and so relaxed because the painters are gone. She is going to be shocked and very peeved tomorrow morning at 7:30. ;)

 

Déjà vu

Due to our exploding COVID 19 numbers, we go into a further lockdown at 12 midnight tonight. The strictures won't affect me much since I stick to essential trips, don't dine indoors and keep my face to face interactions minimal. However, my heart sank when locals started posting on Facebook about toilet paper and paper towel shortages AGAIN. It was déjà vu, and not in a positive way. I'm thankful that I had John install two handheld bidets the last time we dealt with this idiotic hoarding. With two promising vaccines in the pipeline, I'll mostly hunker down until spring. Now if only some of my relatives would follow the science. It would also be helpful if they would use common sense, respect our overburdened health care workers, pay attention to facts(not their beloved youtube propaganda) and consider others' safety during a dangerous pandemic. 😩

I'm appreciating the last vestiges of color since the interior of my house is no longer my sanctuary. My poor kitty (who only loves me) is traumatized by the noise and general disruption.

I decided it would be a "good" idea to unload my glassware from the china hutch before the painters moved it. That meant two dishwasher loads, and a lot of careful transporting of breakables into my now packed den. It will all get put back together eventually, right? 

And today it was this...

There are ladders, drop cloths, and masking EVERYWHERE! 

Congratulations to my "famous" grandkitty Ziguinchor(Ziggy) who is featured on his vet's website. :) He's a beautiful and fluffy Maine Coon who ended up with a bladder infection, probably due to the stresses of a baby in the apartment. Thankfully, he's fine now!

Speaking of babies, my sweet little dude just got his first hair trim from his Mom. I love this face, and can't wait to kiss those chubby cheeks!