Stargazer

Greige

This time of year is a "nuanced intersection of gray and beige," as this color is described. It's neutral, sort of boring (I have a lot of it in my house anyway) and needs many jewel tone accent colors. The past few days could be described as greige in their blandness with many gray clouds and rain pouring out of the sky. So, how did I paint some color into my life?

You can see how wet the crocuses are, but they are UP. And there will be more, then the hyacinths, and finally the tulips. I'm eager to have color in my flowerbeds! Last night John, Younger Daughter and I played games and poker at some friends'. What a dash of normality that was--including losing at the trivia game we played, then struggling at poker, even as one of the most experienced players. :) We had one 5 card draw hand where there were three people with trips. (three of a kind) Sadly, I wasn't one of them. 

Today I went for an extremely rainy walk in my waterproof Keen high tops and my late dad's raincoat, plus an umbrella. Not surprisingly, I got wet anyway.  During my walk, I thought about packing for New York, but that's as far as I got. Every time I see the forecast for teens, I literally freeze up. How many layers can I fit under my puffy coat? I remembered a couple of items I should have added to my grocery list like snacks for my trip. And napkins! However, I'm to the stage of life where if I have to use Christmas ones, I'm not a bit bothered. 

I'm supposed to be growing my hair out so I can get an inverted bob, thus it wasn't logical to have my hair cut. Ah, well, very few people have ever called me logical. And it feels so fresh and neat! Last night John, who watches videos and photos of my grandson on Google photos, mentioned that the 21-month-old little guy seems way more intellectually advanced than his 3 1/2-year-old granddaughter. This would have been the ideal time to encourage him to broach his concerns with his daughter. Instead, I rambled about differences in personality and development. Why am I never prepared for these conversations? Perhaps I don't want to be the one who discusses this with him? I still think it's his daughter's responsibility to be more open and honest about the situation. If greige is a synonym for feeling a little down about a variety of things, that describes my current color palette perfectly.  There have been a few splashes of brightness, but not as many as I would have wished for. 

 

Happy Is a State of Mind

I'm trying to follow the same advice I've been giving (constantly) to Younger Daughter: stay busy, plan activities, go places...

After mowing the back lawn yesterday, I hit the front today--complete with extensive weeding. My arms and shoulders can feel it! And there is still more to do. Although I know it's too early for spring, I put away my snowman (no more, please!) and hung this decor instead. The past few days my father, who died last March, has been on my mind a lot. Many times, when I've read a particularly wonderful Book Club book, I've wanted to call Dad to tell him about it. Mowing the lawn also made me nostalgic. He tended to buy very expensive self-propelled lawn mowers that then wouldn't work or even start; we would usually end up hauling them back to the store in my SUV, while cracking jokes about his (Un)Lucky Lawnmower mojo. On the other hand, I always purchase a cheap non-self-propelled mower with a Briggs and Stratton engine. Every year when I'd fire it up after its winter "vacation," I would call Dad up to tell him, "Hey, my POS started on the first pull!" And he would chuckle. Guess what? The POS did this year too, but I had no one to call who would understand the joke. I sure do miss him.  

In her own efforts to stay busy, Younger Daughter met up with a friend at a British bistro/store/bakery; unfortunately, she wasn't crazy about the Eccles cake or the cherry Bakewell tart. However, she's eager to take me there to sample other treats. As a new devotee of the Great British Baking Show, I would hope that she checked for a soggy bottom and critiqued how well the flavors married with each other. Younger Daughter and I are now bonding over the Great Canadian Baking show: Nanaimo Bars! Maple Leaf sandwich cookies! Poutine! Tourtière!

The New York City weather for Friday looks better than the frigid (12 degree low) where the kids live. Their city or township or whatever is only a couple hours away from NYC, but what a difference in temperature. Note to self: Remember gloves and a scarf! 

Carol is obviously making herself at home. Did you know that a tabby is characterized by an M on their forehead? I didn't realize that until I looked up exactly what a tabby was. Can you see the M? Tomorrow John, Younger Daughter and I will play games with some friends, then it's time for me to plan my packing. Have I ever mentioned how much I dread winter traveling? There are so many variables and it's impossible to prepare for all of them. "Don't worry, be happy" as the song says. Happy that I'm going to see my sweet grandson and his parents. Happy that Younger Daughter is (for now) getting out and doing fun things. Happy that my lawn is mowed since it's currently raining. :)

Accomplishments

Although the past few days have been beyond worrisome with Younger Daughter's behavior, I'm grabbing some sunshine and getting back into my walking schedule, still triple layered. 

I saw some pretty sights like these foothills which my Iowan son-in-law described as mountains. We laughed. 

This is a mountain. :)

 I did get the lawn mowed and some weeding done this afternoon; look at those lovely lines! I had plenty of time to do yard work since Younger Daughter and I aren't speaking right now. No one is particularly angry, but she doesn't want to talk about what's going on with her or her dead-end, off and on, and drama-filled relationship. If I were to have a conversation with her the way I'm feeling right now, it would could create fireworks. 

I thought I was a pretty good or at least decent parent and now I'm questioning that. 

I'm definitely not good at paying attention to the quantities of items I'm ordering for pick up. Mari will need to live to be 100 years old! 

I'm including another gratuitous shot of a cat who doesn't even belong to me but makes me smile. (much needed) "Someone" wanted him out of there and fussed that Ziggy was cuddling with HIS stuffed animals. I'm hoping that I can still go to New York in spite of my concerns. I'm glad that I'm getting back $2,500 in a tax refund. Otherwise, I'm not very content or optimistic right now and can't pretend I am. 

“Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht”

Man plans and God laughs. Well, indeed. I may not speak Yiddish, but I agree with this sentiment 100%.

This was my left over To Do list for the week.

Unfortunately for my lawn mowing goal, this was my morning view. I asked "Alexa" twice last night about the weather and each time she replied that there would be snow showers during the night. Since she often lies is mistaken about the rain, I figured that she was equally wrong about the snow; it's difficult to predict in this area due to convergence zones, blah, blah, blah. 

It may not look like much, but according to my local Facebook friends, the roads were terrifically icy and there were many accidents and school bus issues. In the meantime, I was relaxing over coffee and my morning word games. Retirement, ahhh!

I've been nonchalantly telling everyone that I leave for New York in a few weeks. Then I glanced at the calendar and realized that I FLY OUT A WEEK FROM TOMORROW. It sent me scrambling to check the NY weather for March 4th (41 and 16) and to buy my Metro North ticket. Am I motivated to organize my packing yet? Not quite, but soon. Winter trips are so much more complex than the spring/summer ones thus I'm prone to procrastination at the moment...

Since seasoned travelers (like me) know to wear any heavy gear onto the plane, I'll be in a long-sleeved shirt, as well as a hooded sweatshirt, then covered with this blue puffy coat. I'll look like I'm ready to summit Mount Rainier! 

Here is a gratuitous cat picture of the gorgeous Carol sunning herself. I've been heartsick and fearful about the state of the world and the nation today; cat therapy and the sun help a tiny bit. Sigh. 

 

The Blogosphere

Since I started blogging 18 years ago (whoa!), BlogLand has seemed to shrink each year with the advent of quicker and easier media methods. Facebook! Instagram! Twitter! People I thought were friends or at least buddies have disappeared without a word. Their last posts are sometimes poignant, but often simply business as usual and then...poof, 5 years pass. 10 years. From a close relationship built on words to utter silence. Thus, when a long-time blog friend decided to crowd source a blogroll, I was intrigued. I was delighted to see so many sites and bloggers and made the goal to visit each one. I'm up to 2013! In my journey so far, I've encountered a person who grew up in the same town as I did; she still lives close by and we have much in common. There was a widow whose fascinating stories elicited several comments from me. I commiserated with the amount of snow in one blogger's photos of her home in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. I saw beautiful pictures and got to know a little bit about a variety of people in many different places. And although the song is sappy and trite, it truly is a SMALL WORLD, after all!

My highlights today have been the blue sky (but cold) and the view from my mom's house. The foothills and mountain were out during my walk--which required triple layers. I should have also grabbed some gloves!

But at least we haven't gotten our traditional February Snowmaggedon. This picture of Younger Daughter snowboarding in her back yard was from my Facebook memories of 2014. Since then I've posted many, many snowy photos, nearly all of them from February. This year though, we got hit in December and early January. I'm very glad that I had my studless snow tires put on in November! 

Carol makes herself cozy everywhere, including on a damp towel. Crazy cat! The low last night was 18 and it's barely above freezing now, so the cats and humans are very much enjoying the new gas insert. I'm hoping for spring soon, both here and in New York where I'll be traveling in a couple weeks. They're expecting a possible foot of snow Thursday and Friday there. Could NY please get it out of its system before March 4th? Today I watched an amazing video of my 21-month-old grandson answering his dad's question about what was for dinner: Bibimbap. He pronounced it way better than I could. ;) Such a cute and smart little guy and so loved! 

The Worst Person in the World

Much as I like to beat up on myself sometimes for both real and imagined failings, my post title actually refers to the film my friend and I should have seen. For our first foray to the movies in several years we chose an Oscar nominated movie that was showing at our favorite independent and volunteer run theater. (I'm a member!) One positive was that the soundtrack was excellent: James Gang, Blood, Sweat and Tears, Gordon Lightfoot, The Doors, David Bowie, etc. I "dressed up" in nice leggings, a shirt and a pair of boots; I haven't made much of an effort to do that lately. I now realize that one of the gifts of the pandemic (of which there are VERY few) is that I appreciate and treasure these special times out whereas I used to take them for granted. Never again.  

The movie patrons were mostly ladies of a certain age in poufy coats (I was one of them); in fact, I was one of the youngest. This theater requires masks and proof of vaccination, thus it felt like a fairly safe environment, if there is such a thing. 

What can I say? No discernible plot, a lot of silliness and overacting, many characters who were caricatures, and completely unrealistic and pointless events. But the worst was a romance between a 15 and a 25-year-old that we're supposed to cheer for. Perhaps being a high school teacher for 37 years has made me stodgy, but ewww, nope. 

Isn't it an adorable place? I really should volunteer here. There's so much I should/could do if I weren't a little commitment-phobic!

In a few weeks I'll be sitting next to my dark-haired sweetheart, reading him stories and giving him surreptitious kisses. I wish I could fly off to New York with a completely clear conscience, without worrying about Younger Daughter's struggles and my mom's needs, without feeling that I'm abandoning those who depend on me. However, I only get one trip around the sun, so I'm trying to squeeze as much out of each day as I can. Carpe diem. 

 

Oh, Hail

I made it back and forth to mom's in relatively sunny weather without opening my umbrella, while eyeing these clouds cautiously. Sure enough, while talking with my mother, I heard sudden loud sounds and realized that the hail was pouring down. Then the clouds dissipated and I walked home under bright blue skies. I wish I could tell you that the other storms I'm dealing with are going as well...

I invited John over last night; as I suspected, he insisted on bringing his tools because he couldn't stand the thought of me paying $300 to the repairman for a new ice maker. However, a couple hours before John's arrival, I heard the unmistakable and welcome sound of the water rolling into the ice tray. A while later there was the clunk of new ice! Was my ice maker celebrating the Presidents' Day weekend by taking a couple days of vacation? It's a mysterious and wonderful "repair," isn't it? At a great price. :)

I saw this and thought, "Hmm, yeah, that fits." Today, on a whim, I decided to take a big chance and look at New York flights for a couple weeks out. I miss my sweet Grandson...and my daughter and son-in-law too of course. ;) I thought the tickets for non-stops at the times I wanted would be outrageously expensive, but they were only $326. That's a steal! Older Daughter inquired whether I would be taking the Metro North from NYC to her town, and I replied, "Oh, I thought you could come pick me up in New York City; that's no problem, right?" I included several laughing emojis. Seriously though, I love the train and would hate the kids to brave four hours of driving in and out of The City. The traffic and driving there are every bit as terrifying challenging and awful as the stereotypes. So, I'm booked and now need to worry myself sick about leaving Younger Daughter in charge of my house, my cat and especially HERSELF. 

 I can't understand why the internet is suggesting this as an outfit I might be interested in. My "ignorance is bliss" blog title? My desire sometimes to hide away from reality and the stresses of the world? In any case, I would prefer an abaya in royal blue which is a better color on me.   

Ignorance is Bliss

After nearly three weeks of my House Guest and things seeming to go well, I'm disappointed and chagrined to report that they aren't any more. Problems and issues aren't fixed in that short amount of time, and patterns don't disappear. Love and support aren't miracle cures for co-dependency and unhealthy coping skills. I'm frustrated, sad and worried--but also feeling helpless. I would go back instantly to those sleepless nights with an infant. They were so much easier. 

Although I adore my new fireplace, once I noticed this, I couldn't unsee it. My new friends Cody and Mike are coming back to fix it Tuesday; they're a very responsive company. I've been impressed. For the time being, I have part of a bag of cubed ice in my ice maker which is the hillbilly way to have fresh ice! It's cheap too. We'll see what the repairman says, also on Tuesday. Once I mentioned the broken part to John, he of course wanted to fix it for me. Although I appreciate John very much, I prefer him as my boyfriend, not my handyman. His affection language is definitely service and helpfulness to an extreme degree--which sometimes makes me feel dependent and inept. Sigh.

I live for photos of my sweetheart who, as of his last check up, was in the 66% percentile for height and 47% for weight. He needed new rain boots and, although Older Daughter wanted him to pick the adorable dinosaur or shark ones, he fell madly in love with these and had to have them. His passions have expanded from dig digs to tractors and fire engines!

In the case of ignorance NOT being bliss, I discovered for the first time in the history of my 18-year-old blog that the comments have a spam folder. I feel very stupid for not realizing this sooner since several of you have told me of your chronic struggles with typepad commenting. I'm embarrassed that I didn't respond or pursue this farther, yet I also had a trip down memory lane reading those remarks spanning nearly a decade. For any newer commenters, I always respond to comments with an email. If I don't, typepad probably thinks you're spam, especially if you have a name that looks made up. I intend to check that folder assiduously from now on and mea culpa to those who have written on my blog, only to see their comments vanish into the ether. My consolation lately has been seeing the tulips and hyacinths come up, with their promise of beauty, accompanied (unfortunately) by an overwhelming number of weeds. A metaphor for life? I'm thinking so at the moment. 

 

The Shoulds

Things that should happen often don't... or at least not in the way we expect. When my mom was taken in by a scammer after my dad died, she compromised both her and my social security numbers. Thus, I took the steps of locking my credit and requiring an IRS pin for my taxes. The pin was supposed to come to me automatically in January, no problem at all. Easy peasy. We are mid-way through February and still no pin; thankfully, my friend and tax lady believes that it won't be too big a deal. I'm not particularly hopeful that this won't require contacting the IRS. If you've ever done so, you will realize that the idea fills me with utter dread. Then I'm also dealing with my late step-grandma's last tax return which is missing a few items. She was only alive for 22 days of 2021, but long enough to collect some income and dividends, not to mention incurring several thousand dollars in fees from a CPA. Have I ever mentioned that this is NOT my favorite time of year?

The past two days have been chaotic and noisy with Cody and Mike replacing the tile on my fireplace with stone. Just so I didn't get TOO excited about that, my ice maker decided to quit working.

My fridge is 26 years old and owes me nothing. However, unfortunately, I don't even own an ice cube tray; when I did, it seemed like many of the ice cubes ended up on the floor. :) I should be OK with just cold water and my water enhancers, but I like to sip on my drinks and have them stay cold which requires ice. Sigh.

Mari didn't like the strangers here and hung around outside my bedroom door. Unless...

Cody and Mike took a break outside. Then she enjoyed playing around. 

Quite a character, isn't she? 

This is the stage of de-construction that always makes me nervous.

But watching this 1980s gas insert get transformed was a fascinating process. Naturally I stuck around to police observe although I should have been visiting my mom or getting more exercise. It was two days of reading, Wordi (a version of Wordle) and fussing about what to do about the ice maker while obsessing on the quality and prices of new fridges. Too many decisions!

After my 25-year-old fireplace died in December, I bought this more updated one. And today, it became, drum roll, THIS!

 Looking at it, I can't believe I waited so long to beautify that drab construction grade tile! On the flip side though, I now look around with a critical eye at so many other aspects of my house: I should replace this. I should get rid of that. I should..I should...

Some of you probably remember my late husband's mother's half-brother whom I discovered on ancestry several years ago. (a real rattling of the skeletons in the closet!) No one knew anything about this in either family! My mother-in-law's existence was a huge secret that her mother kept to the grave; Jack, although shocked about his older illegitimate sister, was gracious and informative. He had several degrees in science, including a PhD in Biology from the University of Wisconsin. Jack was a fascinating guy who traveled the world extensively after his career as a wildlife biologist; he was born and lived his life in Canada, the last few decades in Saskatoon. His daughter Kathleen sent me a lovely note and this memorial to which I intend to respond with a sympathy card and a few words about the excellent conversations and correspondence I had with her dad. Not because I should, but because I want to. 

All You Need Is Love

Valentine's Day is a strange day for a widow. I have many memories of cards from my late husband; he preferred the funny kind while I really wanted the mushy. It wasn't a big deal to either of us because we'd been together so long that everything had already been said. My ex-boyfriend ignored the holiday completely and John, although affectionate and kind, isn't romantic at all. So, I tell myself that it's just another day, while longing for a little bit more. Perhaps I should buy myself some chocolates? ;)

We've had a couple of spectacular days which I tried to capture with my iPhone. It was perfect walking weather, although I should have been doing yard work or washing my car like everyone else. :)

I loved watching the planes cross in front of the moon but I missed capturing them every single time. They moved so fast! 

Then these clouds rolled in; they have their own beauty, I think. 

After a nerve-wracking visit to a flooring place (too many choices!), I took some very heavy samples home to try out in my master bathroom. And the top one, which I didn't like in the store, turned out to blend the best with the granite, backsplash, wall color and carpet. The grout (Mobe Pearl) is next to it. What a relief to have made this (for me) momentous decision! I have zero confidence in my decorating abilities but am pleased with how it looks, as well as excited to one day have a floor again in my master bathroom. And a toilet! 

Speaking of thrilled, Grandson was delighted to play in the snow which is still hanging around where he lives. In this photo, he's preparing to shove it in his mouth--complete with a little salt from the sidewalk treatments. How many times can I reiterate how much I love his joyful, impish little face and his smirk? Today Son-in-Law sent me a picture of him with the Valentine's Day card I'd sent; he was trying to say, "Thank you, Mémé." It was absolutely adorable, and my heart melted. 

In spite of his un-romantic nature, John did invite me over for the Superbowl, and fed me a delicious spaghetti dinner, culminating in rhubarb pie with ice cream. It was store bought but still yummy. After the disappointment of the game (Go, Bengals!), we finished the ultra-violent (but true to the books) "Reacher." Alan Ritchson is the ideal Reacher! This morning John had prepared a breakfast casserole with cheese, eggs, hash browns, onions and sausage. He's so thoughtful. Can I still wish that he'd gotten me a card? I feel like a bad person for wanting more...

Younger Daughter and I are burning our way through the Great British Baking Show which is a re-watch for me, but enjoyable nonetheless. Surprisingly, YD loves it and has become quite attached to the bakers in each season. It's also inspired her to bake; this is her apple-caramel cake with three layers. She had to make caramel twice which is twice more than I've ever done. :) Although, as she said, "Paul and Prue would call it rough and ready!" I don't think we can go wrong with these flavors. I'll gladly be the "taster" and will name her my own personal Star Baker!