Stargazer

Memorial Monday

Traditional Memorial Day is May 30th (today) and also my mother's 90th birthday. It isn't usually the same day, at least since the holiday was changed to a three-day weekend in 1968. She didn't want a fuss and since there was a miscommunication (more like lack of) between my brother and me about what was happening for her mini-celebration, she's now going to their house for dinner and I'm staying home, sniffles and all. My brother was upset with himself that he hadn't texted me about the plans and was worried that I was mad at him. (I wasn't) I did tell him that mom's formerly sharp memory can't be trusted these days. Plus, although I'm not sick, I'm not feeling up to socializing. Or seeing their Trump mug on the top of the counter. 

Brother has brought over two different Covid tests to my house last night and this morning; they get them free at his work and test frequently. Because of who he works for, the protocol is strict. However, the first box he gave me had instructions only in Spanish, then when he texted me the English ones, he left out step 4, the reagent. LOL The second time was the charm...

Negative! After the PCR yesterday plus the antigen one last night and today, my nose is bleeding. Whatever is on the Q-tip stings too and makes my eyes run. Enough whining?

Mom likes Nanaimo bars so I made them for her (who am I kidding--for me as well) while fighting Mari off. She meowed incessantly while trying to go after the butter and whipping cream. She is a dairy fanatic! You can see that I'm rather random with my scoring. I've told myself that it's because some people might want bigger/smaller pieces. In reality, I'm very abstract random in my cutting.

There are containers for Younger Daughter, John and me, and Mom. None for Mari. ;)

My accomplishments have been many: both lawns are mowed, my hydrangea is planted, and I've finished "Severance" (on my laptop instead of my cell phone, thanks to my son-in-law) and "Sea of Tranquility." I enjoyed both but I'm not sure whether to recommend them to anyone. "Sea of Tranquility" had a choppiness and a predictability to it, yet the book was also well-written and thoughtful. Although it was about time travel, it mostly dealt with how to find tranquility and a sense of home and what makes a life worthwhile and ethical. It gave me lots to ponder. "Severance" was a quirky sci-fi take on work/home balance and whether we're two different people in those places. What do we repress/change to become our professional selves? I was much more extroverted, funny and dynamic at school than I was/am in "real life." Which one is actually me or are they both? How do I integrate those disparate elements of my personality? Again, like "Sea of Tranquility," it was a program that I can't stop thinking about. And there were some shockers at the end that made me very eager for Season 2! 

I've been very fortunate to have had this lovely person around for nearly 66 years. If I'm half the mother and grand-mother that she is, I'll be happy and proud. 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgotten

In the mess of travel and the upsetting events of this week, I've neglected to write about some important things, like...

• Older Daughter did get a job/fellowship; it's a two-year, well-paid transitional position from academia to policy work. We're excited that the fellowship is in her "wheelhouse" of food security/agriculture AND best of all, it does come with benefits, at least for her. Whew! I hope that she thrives in this new career. 
• While I was in New York my nearly 90-year-old mother fell on her way to the bathroom. Although she didn't break anything, she has many cuts and bruises. She swore Younger Daughter to secrecy, but I had no such compunction; I called my brother right away to let him know, even though he's been on a road trip to Omaha. Between the two of us we need to convince her to get some kind of Life Alert system. Did I also mention that Mom is diabetic and that her blood sugar in the morning has been too low? It's a recipe for disaster!
• Younger Daughter and Boyfriend have scheduled a visit to Rome in November. I'm not too sure how I feel about any of this: Boyfriend, the travel expense, Rome. Having been to Italy three times (I would definitely go again), I would return to Florence over Rome any day. But my lips are firmly zipped.
• I've varied my reading between the intriguing "Sea of Tranquility" and "Saturday Night Widows." The former is by the same author as one of my favorite books "Station Eleven" and has to do with one of my passions (time travel) while also revolving around an all too real pandemic. It's disturbing and thought-provoking on many levels. The latter is funny at times, yet also insightful. As the author writes, grief for a lost spouse isn't so much sadness as it is an extreme case of homesickness. A longing for the people, places and experiences of your past life. As I've gently corrected friends, I haven't moved on, since I can't really do that from a relationship of over 30 years; those years are an imbedded part of who I am. However, I have chosen to move forward. 
• On television I've continued with the series that the New Yorkers got me hooked on when I was there. I didn't realize that the creator and writer of the show is from Olympia, Washington and took his degree at Western Washington University. He's also related to a former student. Small world, eh? Unfortunately, I'm trying to watch the last episodes on my iPhone; it gave me a headache last night! Of course, I've gotten all sorts of helpful advice about streaming, a Comcast app for Apple + and casting to my TV. Naturally, I've tried all those things and my set is too old and I would have to pay for Apple+. It's free on my phone but my eyes are paying the price. :)
• On a not-so-important note, I've caught a cold. It's very mild but comes with an annoying cough. I suppose I should test for Covid, sigh. 
• 
• Mari is delighted to have me back and clings to my side like a limpet...unless there's another cat who has the temerity to walk along our fence. Then she goes into high alert mode!
• 
• We're still having a cool rainy spring; the New Yorkers have experienced a small taste of that before heading back into the 80s and 90s. Grandson says "wawa" for water, so perhaps the rain will help them acclimate to WAWA Washington. ;) Although I love our mostly moderate climate, even I get tired of the gray sometimes.
• 
• Some of my plants are starting to flower but most are behind by several weeks. 
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• My deep purple bearded irises are showing some progress though! I can't wait to watch them unfurl. The small miracles of nature are so precious. 

Post-Columbine

Many of you know that I spent thirty-seven years in a high school classroom and enjoyed most of those times. But everything changed for my colleagues and me on April 20, 1999. I started wondering who would help my husband rear our two daughters if I were to die in a school shooting. As the years went on and the massacres continued, I would sometimes lie awake at night planning out strategies for escaping or hiding and trying to figure out the best routes to reach help from my isolated portable. But honestly, there was really nothing I could have done against an AR-15. Even the armed and trained Uvalde officers didn't want to face one. Teachers and citizens in other countries don't deal with these fears or dilemmas; they still have disaffected youth, bullied children, the mentally ill, racists just like we do, but their weapons of war are tightly regulated, thus they don't experience these blood baths. Sadly, I remain convinced that nothing will improve; I'm hearing the same excuses and justifications from the same people in power, thus I guess we'll continue on to the next senseless tragedy in a school, a church, a grocery store, a movie theater, a concert, etc. And so on...

In spite of the gloom and rain, I've forced myself to walk. Doesn't this rhody have a beautiful throat? I'm not usually a fan of white flowers but this one is lovely. 

My lavender bearded irises are earlier to bloom than the deep purple ones in the background. Flowers are something to look forward to! I need to buy my annuals soon but don't feel like it for the first time in decades. Should I force myself to do so or simply skip that tradition this year?  Which will help me feel better? I don't know.

Grandson makes the sun shine in my world, even when the actual weather is crappy and the news is horrendous. Soon he won't be so far away. Woo hoo! I do so love this little guy!

 

Interminabilis

Frankly, if all people can offer after a horrendous mass shooting are "thoughts and prayers," they should keep them to themselves. The constantly recurring thoughts and prayers aren't going to change anything or bring those victims back. They certainly haven't yet. I opined after Sandy Hook that if nothing happened from that horrendous event, the gun sprees would continue ad infinitum and they have. We have a gun fetish in this country; nearly anyone can buy assault style rifles, unlimited ammunition and bullet proof vests. What happened to a "well-regulated militia?" Why are we regulating women's bodies yet not doing a d*mn thing about regulating AR-15 style weapons? There are no answers or ones that make any sense to me. So, I move on because there is nothing I can say or do about any of this... nor anything that I haven't already written numerous other times about too many other mass shootings. Ad nauseum. 

When John suggested doing the kids' lawn on Monday, I told him "NO WAY!" It's a lucky thing because as tired as I was, it would have been challenging. However, I realized yesterday that 1. Grass grows quickly in our climate! 2. The kids have a WAY bigger lawn than I thought. Also, my lawn is flat and some of theirs isn't. Oof! 3. Weeds come up anywhere and everywhere. John did the long, thick back lawn whereas I had the easier front and side parts. I will mention to my son-in-law that he might want to buy a self-propelled lawn mower, which I don't have. On the bright side, my arms got quite a workout!

Although not perfect, their landscaping looks much better, thanks to my tiny but powerful weed whacker and dependable Briggs and Stratton mower. It was also due to lots of sweaty labor in the drizzle for John and me. :)

I wish we'd taken before and after shots, but we were both on a mission to Get Things Done. Have I mentioned lately how helpful and kind John is? When he picked me up at midnight at the airport and I was thanking him profusely, telling him how sorry I was for the late hour and that I hadn't even brought him back anything, he replied, "I don't need a gift. All I want is you as my gift." That's about as romantic as he's ever gotten!

If you live in a state with no mountains and aren't familiar with crampons, here's a photo of Younger Daughter wearing them. I think they look like bear paws/claws!

My blinds have a tail. ;) Mari is still delighted to have me back; she won't leave me alone or shut up. Love is love though and I'll gratefully accept her feline affection. In a country gone berserk, kitty snuggles can provide at least a little bit of comfort. 

 

Tired Traveler

When or whether to order a much more expensive Uber to the airport from Grand Central wasn't my only travel "adventure" yesterday. There weren't any available taxis, and I worried about NYC traffic making the trip even longer. In spite of the expense, I'm pretty sure I did the right thing! $52 versus $120 though, ouch. Everything at JFK went smoothly until we boarded the plane. We then drove around the runways for 40 minutes, stopping while the pilot announced that due to thunderstorms, we couldn't get out, and now needed more fuel at the gate. Unfortunately, there was already another plane at the gate. We waited...and waited. Finally, we headed back for our top off; the pilot's penultimate words were a veiled hint that if we couldn't take off within a certain window (metered take offs?) we would be stuck. In other words, cancelled. My mind went immediately to trying to find a decent hotel in Manhattan in the dark or taking the train by myself back to my daughter's place. To make a long story shorter, 3 1/2 hours later, our pilot announced, "Cabin, prepare for takeoff!" Once in the air, we all clapped, even though we would land in Seattle at midnight. Everyone who had to make a connection at SeaTac had missed it, yet no one seemed grouchy. Just tired. We ended up spending eleven LONG hours on the plane. 

And I'm home, thanks to John. He wasn't fazed by the late hour or my nearly incoherent ramblings. It was 3 a.m. New York time and I was wiped after a full day of travel and punishing heat and humidity. This girl was delighted to see me!

The rhododendrons (our state flower) are spectacular in my town. This one has taken over the house. 

Although my late blooming rhody isn't close to flowering, my irises are opening up. They're so frilly and delicately fluted.

I was happy and relieved that Younger Daughter helped her grandmother most days after work, so I didn't have to worry as much while on my trip. I was proud of her. They enjoyed dinner together several evenings which I know was special to my mom who craves company. Younger Daughter also found time to hike at Mt. Ellinor on the Olympic peninsula. The scenery is spectacular, but she had to wear crampons which always makes me nervous. I don't like slippery climbing! Or heights for that matter. :)

This has been my only accomplishment today and it was tough to push that lawnmower through the long thick grass. News from New York: Grandson is better, but Older Daughter is now very ill. (scary!) Will I be next? 

 

 

The Small Moments of Goodbye

Although I've been widowed for nearly 10 years and even before that traveled by myself or with a cancer patient on oxygen, it's still daunting to take extensive trips alone. All the decisions fall on me as well as the hauling of baggage, the keeping track of essentials, and the unpredictable snafus that come up...always. And if I need to use the restroom while I still have my suitcase, it can get very, very complicated. This last visit to New York was bittersweet. The weather was hot, the now two-year-old was terribly sick on his birthday and when I arrived in NYC at Grand Central, there were no taxis to be found. So, after waiting for quite a while, I chose to spend a whole bunch MORE money to take an Uber. I did have a nice chat with Mohamed from Bangladesh and arrived in plenty of time for my flight out. So, I managed, and I made the situation work, although it's exhausting to do so much thinking without anyone else for company or moral support. However, I was very fortunate to be able to spend these past five days with family and I won't take those moments for granted. 

As often as possible, we walked on campus (goodbye to the college), admired nature and allowed Little Guy to run around in the grass.

The college lawns are impeccably maintained but some of the other areas are 100% clover. It's too bad that I couldn't find a 4 leaf one!

Ziggy was his usual sweet self.

Our birthday boy loved his Little Blue Truck shirt and toy although he was miserable and mostly apathetic with a high fever. We were so worried about him! Happily, today he seems fine and his usual sunny self. He told me several times this morning, "Mémé leave. Fly on airplane. See Mari- home. Mémé sad. Miss *his name*. Mémé cry." Yes, and yes. 

His mother made him a creative and wonderful cake; he loved it but could only manage a tiny bite. :( The construction toys on top were a huge hit though! There were no family photos, and I don't have any other pictures to show of my grandson with me or my daughter. It just wasn't the time, as awful as he felt and as toned down as the festivities had to be. Sigh.

When the New Yorkers move back, I'll have no reason to return to the state or the city. I have mixed feelings about that; it feels like a chapter of my life is closing. It's been an excitingly written and often educational "book" but it's now time to move on. 

 

Tale of Twos

Back home, there have been heavy winds, cold weather (50s) and snow in the mountains, while here we're bracing for 98 degrees. The forecasters keep upping the temperature predictions! As Grandson exclaimed, “So much hot!” 🥵 Wisdom out of the mouth of babes. Although both NY and Washington sit on oceans, NY has mostly a humid continental climate whereas Washington's is (for the most part) moderate Mediterrean. Two coasts, two very disparate weather systems.

Two Very Different Cats: My cat sitter sent this photo of Mari this morning, saying that she hadn't tried to pet her since "Mari sounded kind of irritable." Only kind of? And irritable is an understatement. She's totally peeved! 

On the other hand, Ziggy is the most laid-back dude on the planet. I had to chase him off the changing table however. He doesn't understand boundaries at all. 

Our little guy will soon be TWO which is hard to believe. His language is incredible, he freely gives hugs and kisses, loves any construction equipment or big trucks and is 100% toddler, including an occasional melt down. Can you see his facial injuries from his tumble into the wood chips? I'm sure it won't be his only face plant, as adventurous as he is. 

Walking through the campus I paused at these rocks, written with words of wisdom. "We've been through some hard times and we're still struggling with this virus..." Yes indeed, and as John mentioned, "It looks like the corner of the country that you're in right now has two extremes...Temperature and Covid cases." However, it's coming back everywhere from what I've read. :( I'm relieved to be vaccinated, double boosted and a fan of mask wearing. Masks make me look about 20 years younger anyway, so I'm planning to wear them forever. 

Left Behind

When you travel forward, you leave things and people behind. It's a tug of war on the emotions sometimes. Mom is struggling again with shortness of breath but has many people to help her IF she allows it. Younger Daughter took her to the grocery store yesterday, then carried in her groceries and put them away. She also did some laundry for her. Friends of my brother will escort her to her cardiology appointment today. On a mundane note, I'm eager to see my bearded irises bloom; with our current cold spring, they are weeks late. By the time I return, many of them should be open!

The TSA employee who checked my ID at SeaTac asked me twice, "Are you traveling alone?" (incredulously) Then my Fitbit set off the metal detector for the first time ever and I had to be frisked. Also I ended up on a 737 MAX which initially made me nervous--but it was such a smooth and quiet ride. With an excellent tail wind, we made it to JFK in 4 hours and 17 minutes. We won't discuss the very long taxi line...

The NYC traffic was typically atrocious; however, I managed to arrive at Grand Central at 6:38 for the 6:45 train. I can move fast when I need to; fortunately, I know that terminal well. It's gorgeous but I had no time to snap a photo as I was tearing through the station dragging my suitcase. By the way most people in New York are wearing masks, possibly since their Covid numbers are back in the red zone and hospitalizations are rising. Sigh. 

I got to admire the sunset from the train and continued my plane reading during the hour and a half trip. I'm intrigued by this Book Club book and devouring it! 

Although I had to leave my precious Mari behind, she's not hating the cat sitter according to the eleven photos and the detailed report I received from her last night. :) 

Delightful Ziggy kept me company last night; I could have lived without him nipping at my feet though, then snuggling up to my face. Early this morning he tried to give me love bites when I petted him. A few hours after THAT the college lawnmowers started up at 7 a.m. (4 a.m. my time) at which time I gave up on sleep. They are loud! Later there was a little sweetheart who crawled in bed with me to tell me about his face plant at daycare a few days ago and how Celine had to get the wood chips out of his mouth. His poor little face is all scratched up. He is utterly adorable and so talkative!

See those weekend temperatures? I was scheduled to stay in an Airbnb Friday through Sunday and suddenly realized that (incredible as it might be), the house might not have A/C. So, I messaged the host who responded, "Oh, it's very cool in the basement." Not an answer. To make a long story short, I cancelled my reservation and now Son-in-law's parents and I will be staying with them in their smallish apartment with one bathroom and three air conditioning units. It will be quite cozy! Travel requires flexibility and the gift of looking at experiences, both good and bad, as adventures. I've got this.  

 

I See Dead People

First, some background: Older Daughter asked me to try to find pictures of Jeeps, specifically ones with her late father who owned too many several of them. (As Yoda said, "There is no try...") Little Guy adores Jeeps and identifies them easily as they're driving down their busy street. My daughter, who knows nothing about vehicles (nor cares), has learned that a child's passions somehow become your own, whether it's diggers, geese, construction sites, etc. Consequently, as most of you realize, in delving into old pictures, one album led to another, and one photo to many more. 

I used to call this (late) dog Mrs. F. since she loved to ride shotgun in whichever vehicle my husband was driving. Kiwi was a mix of Blue Heeler, Australian Shepherd and Dingo. He was probably the smartest dog we ever owned, but oh, my, was he naughty!

There were many reasons why I didn't enjoy jeeping, like dirt and mud everywhere.

I hated getting stuck although many of the other guys had winches. But look at what I had to step down into. 

Beach driving wasn't so bad, right? Unless someone buried the axle in the sand. The guys liked to problem solve these self-inflicted issues whereas I was usually ready for another coffee or a bathroom by that time. :)

The snow was much cleaner than the mud or sand, but taking the Jeep up those steep, slippery, high logging roads was terrifying for me. And it was COLD! 

Looking for Jeep photos, I encountered several shots of one of my late brothers. His natural Afro was quite something; other than that abundant hair he looked so much like my much younger (bald) brother and my late father. 

I also discovered this old picture of my parents. I do think I resemble my dad much more than people think. 

Although he's not dead to my knowledge, the relationship certainly is! This is my first boyfriend and fiancé, Tony. I have many fond memories of going out, skiing and having fun experiences, although the engagement ended very badly. We both later married and had children and successful careers; our two years together remain distant and thankfully hazy. 

My first car was this 1974 Celica which I dearly loved. However, it was a manual transmission, and I didn't know how to drive one. Tony had to teach me, and let's just say, I wasn't the nicest or most patient of pupils. (same for the ski lessons he gave me) The photo is from 1980 and the car, in spite of numerous washings, is covered with Mt Saint Helens ash. After sending a multitude of Jeep and other pictures to Older Daughter, we remarked upon the history of the eruption. We decided that anti-science Harry Truman who died on the mountain because he didn't believe that it would erupt should NOT be so famous. Instead the true hero was David Johnston, a young volcanologist, who also died on May 18, 1980 because he was monitoring the volcano. "Vancouver, Vancouver! This is it!" Although it was controversial and people (the same stupid ones as now probably) pushed back, geologists like David got the area around St. Helens closed, thus saving thousands of lives. Let's not get me started on how ignorant some people are regarding science and how self-centered and heedless they can be. Although this post revolves around dead people/dogs/relationships, I don't want it to be too much of a downer. 

A House is not a Home

Armed with the keys to Older Daughter and Son-in-Law's new house, after a not-so-fun drive in rain on several freeways, I prepared myself for the worst as I arrived at their place. Last time I was here, the basement was full of boxes and storage, and part of the yard was covered with big dog turds; I couldn't imagine how anyone could clear it all out. I was wrong.

In a couple months the living room will be loaded with kid toys (diggers and blocks) and a big fluffy orange cat may be resting on that window seat.

The bedrooms are ready for cribs and beds, sleepy mornings and bedtime snuggles.

My Older Daughter has lived exclusively in small apartments in Seattle, Los Angeles and New York; she's a fabulous cook who's been cursed with teeny kitchens, unlike this dream one. I can hardly wait to have dinner here!

Upstairs will probably be used as an office, a play area, or another bedroom eventually. Who knows? I'm excited to see what they do with this space.

I can visualize computers and perhaps a couch here with a chair next to the window to look down into the yard. 

However, I do find the stairs a little scary. (steep!)

Since she left home, Older Daughter has never had sole access to a washer and dryer. Although they're in the basement, which has had some water issues, it's better than having to share the laundry facilities with other apartments. It's a luxury to have your very own!

Last time I saw the packed basement bedroom, it was crammed with boxes, so now I can see how spacious the room actually is. It's not very livable space at the moment but it has potential. 

The former owner left her plants, including the lavender. The lawn definitely needs a mow soon! 

Our Little Guy will enjoy running around in this wonderful back yard. He loves to be outdoors. But I hope he has several raincoats since he's moving to a rainy state. :)

The owner left this beautiful plant; the cynical side of me thinks it was just too big to transport. 

And the real estate guy (more cynicism-newly wealthy from his commission) left this bottle of Prosecco which none of us drink. :) It was an extremely thoughtful gesture though. I hope that Older Daughter, Son-in-Law and Grandson are very happy here and make many lovely memories. I'm sure they will fill their home, not only with furniture, toys, computers and beds--but also with love, laughter and joy.