Good (and Bad) Times

As the saying goes, "Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow; it gets here in its own time." My mom is failing yet believes that the cardiologist will have magic answers and medications for her next week to resolve her terrible shortness of breath and lack of energy. This is partly due to my sister-in-law and brother who are relentless optimists aka unwilling to accept the prognosis of a 90-year-old woman with a leaky heart valve and congestive heart failure. There will be no surgery. Mom is already on the medications that could help (a diuretic and a blood thinner); I'll ask Dr. M (the cardiologist) about whether oxygen would aid her breathing or if there is another more effective diuretic. It feels like my sister-in-law doesn't think I'm doing enough or being assertive enough with the cardiologist whereas it seems to me that she's an unrealistic idiot. However, I don't say that, not to her face anyway. 

I'm smiling because we had a delicious Mediterranean tapas birthday get together for Younger Daughter last evening; thankfully my mom managed to come although walking is such a struggle for her. I got to see both grandsons and even rocked the baby to sleep. He also refrained from spitting up on me! The chocolate cake with vegan butter cream frosting was delicious; my dear John had two pieces. :) Some of you have commented about how kind and helpful John is; when I mentioned my mom's probable water leak, John insisted on going through her house and looking at all the pipes, as well as pulling open the meter to see if it was spinning even when she wasn't using any water. Unfortunately, it was. Fruitland Mutual was supposed to call today but they didn't. Anyone know a reliable local plumber with a backhoe?

Older Grandson is such a loving Big Brother and Littlest Guy is quite patient with all the snuggles. You can't really tell here, but Baby is wearing an Iowa State onesie, in honor of his Nana and PopPop (and Dad); I need to buy him some Husky gear though! 

In Mari news, she loves me...

she loves me not!

Comments

[DougM]

I sure am sorry to read about your mom's growing ailments (and having to contend with your MAGA sister-in-law to boot), but on a much happier note, what a great photo of your two grandsons--what a sweet pair they make! And too funny about Mari :^)

[Maureen]

It sure is difficult when a sibling assumes your parent or aunt will just keep going, when you are able to see reality and just try to enjoy whatever time is right in front of you. Don't ask how I know this! My aunt had the same diagnosis but she was on oxygen for years. It did help.
I had a feeling your John would get on that water issue - from your descriptions of him, that seems his likely and kindly response.

[DrumMajor Linda in Kansas]

Maybe the cardiologist's NP can call your in-denial relatives. They MIGHT hear from the NP better than you anyway. I thought the little grandson was dressed for the Kansas City Chiefs. Kitty likes fire! Linda in Kansas

[Donna W]

Your relatives probably just think the doctor is giving you "fake news". Sorry, I just had to say it.

[AC]

Haha. I like the ending.

[Deb]

I hope they can find a way to make mom more comfortable. There has to be a level of practicality in this whole thing. I hope underneath all the false positives being tossed around your mom understands there is a rational one in the group. I think your job is by far the hardest, as you know.

Littler guy is getting that glint of "I'm going to roll over and get that lady with the phone thingy" in his eye. If he could only get the paperweight that is his brother off the top of him! So soon M, they will both be mobile and you will never sit down again :)

[Ed]

As you know, my grandmother has congestive heart failure. She has been on oxygen for awhile so I'm guessing the answer to your question will also be a yes. It really makes a difference with her when she wears it but she is sometimes too stubborn to do so. About a week ago, she fell down getting a pop from the garage (when the nearby fridge was well stocked) and broke her hip for the third time. They did a partial replacement in surgery and she lived through it which wasn't a given. Now she is in rehab and we're not sure at this point if she will make it out this time or not. She still has a couple weeks left before a decision has to be made.

[Pixie]

Can you borrow or rent a wheelchair for your mom? It would make outings easier for her. I know my mum resisted at first but then she realized it allowed her to get out when she wouldn't have been able to otherwise. It's a thought. If your brother and his wife are convinced you're not doing a good enough job, perhaps they could take your mom to her appointments. I'm guessing they wouldn't do that. Sending hugs.

[Susan]

Relatives! As usual, one person does all the work and everybody else provides commentary. You are doing everything right for your mother. When there is no cure, feeling comfortable with no pain is the ideal. That's what I went for with my 90 year old uncle. The boys are very so sweet together. Ugh to leaking pipes! A friend recently hired a plumber that ran a camera through the home pipes to successfully find and repair a leak. Looks like Mari has her priorities.

[Robin]

Hi Margaret, I am sorry you are going through this with your Mom now. Her health issues mirror my own Mums. My Mum is not a candidate for surgery either. Was your Mom a smoker? Mine was for 30 years.
Sounds like you had a lovely dinner. The cake sounds incredible!!
The Littles are so adorable!
Your fireplace is gorgeous. Perfect spot for Mari.
Take care.❤️

[Kathy]

For what it's worth, my mother did much better when the doc put her on oxygen. She didn't like it at first and tried not to use it, but oh she could breathe so much easier when she accepted it!

[Joanne Noragon]

A shame you must also deal with the unrealistic expectations of your brother, et.al.

[J]

I hope your mom’s leak can be found and that it’s easy to access. We had a leak under our house a few years ago, and a guy came out with some kind of device that helped find it. It was under our slab, and they had to go in under our kitchen floor. What a mess.

I hope that the doctors have a solution that will help your mom. I’m glad that she was able to join you for dinner, that is a real gift. Great that she gets to know her great grandkids a bit, even though they probably won’t remember her.

[Kaye]

We recently went through a similar diagnosis with my father at age 95. "Everyone" looking for the cure, when the Physicians said hospice, when nothing else could be done.

My heart goes out to you. It is a difficult road. Take care of yourself and I am happy you have those babies to hug.